This is the week my book comes out which is about the brain and how to manage it especially when it nose -dives into anxiety, fear, burn-out (You know those feelings that are not your friends). Ironically with the launching of my book I find myself highly anxious from putting something I’ve put so much into out for the public to scrutinize. This is my trigger. In the past I would now be tipping toward depression; cortisol flooding my brain making me become more and more compulsive.
Today I’m still hearing the old theme songs from childhood playing in my head which go to the tune of “I am a failure, everyone hates me….” I know these things aren’t fact but in times of stress the old war wounds make an appearance. This week I have to really walk the talk or talk the walk with a book coming out called “Sane New World” I have to put my money where my mouth is by making sure I stay steady and not buy into those thoughts even though I’m aware of them and my physical state that accompanies those critical voices; my heart hurts, my head’s filled with bumper-to-bumper noise. I know these are old recordings, I know these are ancient themes from my past when life was brutal and if I didn’t succeed at something I was punished by my parents and teachers. I’m aware this is not the past, it’s the present. I sit and practise mindfulness and clearly hear those thoughts and feel those feelings. When I send my focus to the feeling of breathing in and out I have moments of relief and the voices subside like a radio that’s playing in another room. I don’t have to believe the thoughts though they are trying so hard to drive me to my habit of ruminating and ultimate despair. (The mind clings to old habits no matter how destructive.) I have to remember thoughts are not solid they come and go as do emotions. All this week promoting my book, my baby, I have to be vigilant of old tendencies from my past and hold onto my hat.
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