Thank you all so much for your questions on twitter - it's good to talk.  

You can always send me your questions to me @rubywax with #AskRuby


@olivia_nathan
@Rubywax #askruby what do you believe to be the biggest misconception/stigma surrounding mental health today?
That it’s our imagination. That if we could just ‘perk up’ or ‘pull ourselves together’ or ‘pull our finger out’ (that’s a good one.  A finger out of what?) we’d be perfectly fine.  If any other organ went down you’d get sympathy cards, but not the brain.
 
@maidenmum
@Rubywax Do you have any specific advice/tips/ mindfulness excercises for the extreme emotions and anxiety in menopause. Thank you.#AskRuby
Try and focus on the exact area you’ve got physical sensations in your body. This pulls your focus from thinking about how anxious you are which only makes you more anxious. Rumination about why you’re anxious doubles the agony.
 
@StudentMindsOrg
@Rubywax #AskRuby - do you have any tips for university students dealing with depression?
Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHIR3UVIoNU&feature=youtu.be
Get to a doctor - you can’t cope with depression on your own and if you get a bad feeling about him get to another doctor. Use your gut instinct but get help.  Don’t try and sweat it out.
 
@EloiseAStark
@Rubywax #AskRuby What would you do if you noticed a friend seemed depressed or withdrawn?
 Ask if they want help if they want, if they do get them help, if they tell you to piss off there’s nothing you can do but keep your eye on them and keep your compassion pumping.
 
 
@JPGSheedy
@Rubywax Do you think the 1 in 4 stat has at times alienated those of us with severe conditions by diminishing it as common place? #AskRuby
No
 
 
@LivveyKirtley
.@Rubywax Is there anything specific you think researchers can do to help #endstigma? #AskRuby
 As soon as researchers discover what’s malfunctioning in the brain the faster it will be for us to say, “Look there it is as clear as a tumour so now shut up and don’t you dare try and fire me at work or give me a hard time or I’ll sue you.”
 
@annaros93001241
#AskRuby Hi Ruby, I love your books!! My boyfriend has depression, what can I do to help him when he's down?
 If he really has depression rather than a bad, sad mood get him to a doctor but make sure the doctor’s qualified in psychiatry.  You obviously care about him by asking the question; he’s lucky to have you.
 
@strangelymillsy
#AskRuby how would you advise someone in asking for support from their work when they are dealing with depression?
There must be someone in HR who deals with that situation. If not, why not? If you feel your job might be in jeopardy, call Sane and speak to someone who can advise you on your legal rights.   Sane.org.uk
 
@SaskiaIseard
@Rubywax is it possible to practise mindfulness during a busy commute & how? Going to your show tomorrow, looking forward to it! #AskRuby
I practice it on the tube or in a queue when it’s not moving or on holding on the phone to music that could drive you more mental than you are. Just for a minute focus on the sound of the train or the taste of coffee.  In that minute you take the focus from the thoughts to your sense where there is only sensation no nagging.
If you read my book “Frazzled,” I give suggestions on how you can wedge it into a busy day. Everyone has a at least a minute in their day when they’re not doing something or else we’d all be institutionalized.
 
@kcb1
@Rubywax #AskRuby I have read ur book and want to practice mindfulness but get caught up in daily life. Any advice how to change this?
 Daily life is exactly when you could practice mindfulness. We don’t have anything else but our daily lives.  If you notice you’re autopilot when you want to be present for something, mindfulness helps you pull into that gear.  Use it or your life could just pass as a blur.
 
 @gem82running
@Rubywax do you think mental illness is compatible with a stressful job or is it asking for trouble?Thx for the walk in,it was fab #AskRuby
Mental illness has nothing to do with a job, it’s a disease, not caused by stress. People work so hard and long they can burn out but that’s different than mental illness. You can have it even if you’ve never lifted a finger; even if you’re living on an island with room service it still hits 1 in 4. That should make you feel better.
 
@KiddGraeme
@Rubywax where's your favourite venue/place to perform comedy? #AskRuby
I know this might sound weird but I love performing in mental institutions. It feels like I’m with my people, I’m safe because they know they’re of my tribe. They laugh even when something’s not funny. I’m so grateful.
 
@graeme123s
@Rubywax #askruby Please explain about your mum vacuuming with her teeth - How/Why? Just finished Frazzled - loved it!
That was a joke. She vacuumed with her nostrils.
 
@leesapollo
@Rubywax #AskRuby I worry about fitting daily mindfulness in. I'm managing the 10mins each morning but wondered how long u spend each day?
10 minutes is a great achievement - most people can’t do a second. I spend about 10 minutes scattered throughout the day, even in the bathroom.
 
 @StevePersonally
@Rubywax number one recommendation for me supporting a bipolar lady (doing pretty ok) #askruby
Stand by her through her highs and lows - which there will be a great number of, so hold onto your hat.
 
@rachredgate
@Rubywax How did you first come across mindfulness? #AskRuby
I read that it has the best results for preventing relapse of depression so I dove in that pool.
 
@Dream_on_Alex
@Rubywax  can I use mindfulness to help me have a deeper sleep? #AskRuby
Yes, it stops the ruminating and that’s what keeps you up; those thoughts churning over and over again and the bitch is that there will never be an answer however much you churn. Mindfulness helps you cool it on the churning
 
@coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby and are you planning to tour with Frazzled?
Yes - I’ll be touring the UK starting in April.  I’ll give you dates on rubywax.net/tour next week.
 
Karen Cox @coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby how can i get my kids to practice mindfulness regularly?
Good luck getting them to practice even once. Most kids will rebel whatever you tell them. I know my kids think I’m an atrocity of nature.  Just do it yourself and they’ll pick up that you’re being calmer in the storms and may even ask you what you’re doing to get there.
 
@slabss
@Rubywax can one practice mindfulness without meditation? #AskRuby
It is meditation but without the Buddhist thing going on you don’t have to wear a robe or sit on a gulten free cushion.  Yes, you got it.
 
@flyingkipper
@Rubywax What is the most helpful piece of advice you could give someone with #depression? #AskRuby #mentalhealth #mentalillness
Get to a doctor who can give you the right medication and later add some CBT when you feel better.  If you’re really down, just give yourself a break and wait for the demon to leave.
 
@jeanjobling
#AskRuby how can I quieten the mind at night to help sleep?
Do mindfulness if you can or just distract yourself; read something really boring or focus anywhere you can but on your thoughts. They are the great preventer of sleep.
 
@screemer75
@Rubywax did you experience physical symptoms when first practising meditation #askruby
No just the mental agony of looking in on my thoughts which is part of the process. If you don’t know what’s going on in there, you’re at the mercy of it.
 
@susank2
#AskRuby top tips to maintain serenity when presenting to 120 colleagues at conference when brain sending "fight or flight" message to body!
Focus on breathing or the feel of your feet where they contact the ground.  If you focus on a physical sense, the thoughts cool down from the horrors of what might happen which isn’t going to help the situation – ever.  It’s the only way to deal with scariness as far as I’ve seen.
 

Alan Rickman died two weeks ago and I am broken, as is everyone else who knew him. I just wanted to share a few more words about him.

I first saw Alan in 1976 at the Edinburgh Festival. I was with a friend of his, who pointed him out saying casually "Do you want to meet Alan Rickman?". I don't remember much, but I stared and turned into my 13 year old self: teeth protruding, hunched back, "Oh hi Alan do you have curly hair on purpose?". He said something about it being for a play but I wasn't listening; he was gorgeous and I had my first whiff of what charisma looks like up close. I was determined from that point, even though it was a rocky start, to make him my friend against all odds. It didn't start out well. He was looking at me with slight disgust - as he did throughout our 38 years together.

This could have been a one-night stand but for some bolt of destiny. We were brought together again. I followed him into Sheffield Rep. They were doing a production of As You Like It. I played a wench called Audrey, and Alan was Jacques.

Playing Audrey, it was easier to watch Alan each night and move in like a parasite after the shows to suck out his friendship. He was magnificent, I stood there gormless - luckily I could say it was part of my character. Each night I had the privilege of hearing his magnificent tones speak Shakespeare. I didn't know it was supposed to make sense or rhyme. Who knew?

I think I finally won his heart one night, when in an Indian restaurant they were playing sitar music...loudly. I called over the waiter and asked why should we listen to that when we could just kick a cat? Alan was amused and from then on I knew my mission was to make him laugh, my only trump card.

After Sheffield, I knew he was going to the RSC and I knew I needed to follow him, so I wrote a note to Joyce Nettles, the casting director. I knew they were doing As You Like It so I wrote to Joyce to ask that if the girl playing Phoebe died could I take over? She said she didn't think that would happen but did I want to audition? I did an audition, no one will forget and I don't think it meant good. I don't recall getting an acceptance letter but I just showed up with my makeup box and, to Alan's surprise, I was there on stage with him again. It didn't matter I was playing a dog and a rubbish bag (small parts in this production of The Tempest). 

I convinced Alan to share a house with me while in Stratford and to this day I do not know how. We called our home Shakespeare's Sauna because the rooms were decorated in pine wood and aluminium foil. I'd bring American tourists there telling them it was indeed where Shakespeare had his spa treatments until Alan put a stop to it. At some point we bought a tortoise and called it Betty which made us the official parents. For our amusement, we used to feed her peanut butter to watch her try to chew with no teeth. We'd invite other people over to watch. Please don't tell anyone this. I remember once Alan and I were walking to the theatre and ran into Peter Brooke who was about to direct Antony and Cleopatra. I mentioned to Peter that I'd like to put Betty up for the part of the snake and that she would play nude. Alan turned away and pretended to study a wall close up. Juliet Stevenson ended up getting Betty's part.

Then came him playing Valmont in Les Liasons Dangereuses from Stratford to Broadway and he became a rock star. Lindsay Duncan said that after the show most of the audience wanted to have sex, most of them with Alan Rickman.

And, I don't have to go on about Snape - a cult figure. When I used to tell people I knew Snape in real life, which I often did, they would lie prostrate before me. Also, I got reservations in many a restaurant.

No matter who he played, in real life, no one was more generous. I don't know how many people he supported emotionally and to all his friends who asked for it , he advised advised advised and was always right... A silent investor in people. He certainly did with my kids.

I'm not going to say goodbye because he's in all his friends and family - right there just under our skin we hear him, see him and love him more than life itself.
______
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - is out now and available in all good bookshops, as well as online. Be the first to find out more here.
​
Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London until Feb 13 2016. She is also holding walk-in sessions on 5 and 10 Februar