Here is this week's #AskRuby , if you need any more answers let me know your questions

1. Do you think counselling helps when in the midst of depression, or is it better left til later? 

To me, when you’re in the midst of depression your mind has been evacuated there’s no one at home. In those times you wouldn’t know therapy if it came up and hit you on the head.

2. @MichelHeller: best book/article/class you recommend for beginners to mindfulness? I've read #sanenewworld and I want to learn more. Thx.

“Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World” by Mark Williams. He was my professor at Oxford, one of the founders of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, a genius and humble. (Rare combo). 

3. @missmusical3 : Did you experience depression as a child?

Yes, but back then no one knew that it existed, they checked my blood so many times hunting for a physical illness, I was sucked dry. 

4. @elenwebbpage : having trouble reconciling planning for the future and practicing living in the present - any tips?

You have to plan for the future or nothings going to happen, you’ll grind to a halt and sometimes it’s good to be present, to give yourself a gift for all that planning.

5. @WreckReceiver : Do you think happiness is overrated?

I think happiness means getting a burst of dopamine or endorphins and it feels so good, then it’s over as quick as it started, then you spend all your time ‘chasing the dragon’ for an even bigger hit and it’s just exhausting.

Most mornings I try to drag myself into a sitting position to practice mindfulness. I do this because if I delay and say to myself, "Later," I'll never do it. My body craves to stay prone, probably forever. But sitting up and following my breath, I can check my internal weather conditions and if I don't check in, they'll unconsciously influence everything I do in the day. It's like clearing out the attic. Once I'm sitting, the madness begins. The thoughts of why I might be anxious whirl around my brain like a hurricane; fast and furious. They're jumping to make sense of my feelings, to find some explanations like, "I didn't get invited to..." "My so called friend didn't call me back." "I didn't feed the cat." "We're all going to die." There is no priority; just endless rumination to label the feeling of fear and dread. What makes it worth sitting there is that eventually my thoughts settle down and I can start to sense the raw emotion. Once I go below the thoughts I can connect with the raw feelings. The understanding that feelings are just feelings and thoughts are just thoughts and both could be the result of anything. I may never be aware of why, so to try to think my way out is a waste of time and energy because if I focus on exactly where this feeling is in my body it eventually shifts, disperses or transforms. This sense of everything coming and going, is totally liberating and makes the whole ordeal worth doing.

Even though it seems so simple, it's hard because you have to repeat this going from the thought to the feeling over and over again and it's the repetition that builds the strength to go under the words for safety when they're particularly abusive, (they are in my case). Each time I'm aware my mind has snared me, I take the focus back to the feeling; sensing the edges, the size and even the weight. It's incredible how desperate the mind is to come up with a story line. In the end there are no explanations and we'll never be conscious of why we have them. My feelings of discomfort could be a result of having indigestion because I binged on chocolate at midnight or because of a memory or a dream. This morning I probably feel extremely anxious because of my dream last night. But rather than go over and over it with a shrink (sorry Freud) I just try to sit with the feeling because really if this is why I feel the way I do how could it possibly be of any benefit? Here's the dream for your amusement:

I've parked my car in a no parking area. My car has been completely dismantled, only the chassis is left. The guy who tore it apart tells me he'll put it together again if I pay $5,000. I refuse so he takes me to his leader who happens to be a seriously dangerous gang leader. I try to make him laugh (my only weapon) which I do by showing him how I can turn his photos of naked women into key chains. (I know it's not funny or does it make sense). He laughs as I walk away thinking, "Sucker, I got him, I won't have to pay the $5,000." As I'm leaving a group of Vietnamese boy/soldiers march by and one of the lackey's of the leader says I better pay the $5,000 or this will happen to me. He then takes out a lance and makes a small slice into one of the soldier's throat. At first it's just a gash but then his head rolls off and blood spurts out. I start to think maybe I should take this seriously and get the money so I jump into a white stretch limo with no roof and demand the driver take me to every cash point in town. It dawns on me as fear creeps into every cell that my charms didn't work and my whole family will be wiped out. I go from cash point to cash point collecting money and then decide I'll pay him back in avocados. Ok jump cut, I'm working around the clock with Chinese workers wrapping up thousands of avocados. Do you now see why I might have woken up feeling anxious?

I could have carried those sensations around with me all day reacting unconsciously reacting to everything with fear and dread. Instead I figure they're just feelings, it's probably just a result of my dream or even if it isn't let it go. I feel clearer and slightly amused by my nocturnal rantings and get on with the day.

Last Wednesday I went to Parliament to hear Arianna Huffington speak about her new book, Thrive. I loved that we all had to go through high security, each item electrically sniffed and to make sure my mascara wasn't a weapon, to hear a talk on mindfulness. We were led through underground passages past medieval banqueting halls, past the main lobby dripping with gold, spires and stained glass Saints, (so relaxing). Finally we found the room where she was speaking; a mini version of Hogwart's dinning room; mahogany coffin walls, a serious top table looming over the pews where all the honoured guests faced each other. I was put next to Arianna (on the top table, thrilled to my core.) I thought to myself, "Ruby - pretend they haven't made a mistake with the seating". I felt like I was playing Maggie Smith about to give a lesson in wand work.

Arianna was sensational, she spoke with elegance, clarity and passion to what seemed like a roomful of stiff pin-stripped suits, though as soon as she began, their grey faces melted away, suddenly filled with blood and were transformed back to breathing human beings. Everyone was on the same page when she said, in this culture, we wear our burnout like a badge of honour; as if it's a great achievement to work 12 hours a day, on two hours sleep and then jog at 3 a.m. She said there is no such thing as work/life balance - there is only life.

My thoughts are we're only made of flesh and bone, not steel and pushing ourselves beyond all limits, you inevitably have to crash and burn. Even those who seem like they're succeeding on high octane, believe me, I've noticed with many there's a leak somewhere; maybe their kids are addicts, the wife is on meds or they've got a stroke in the making. I've seen it so many times: time will take its toll.

She spoke so articulately about the science behind the practice of mindfulness, that it isn't something fluffy but has actual physiological evidence observable in various types of brain scanners. When you practice watching your thoughts and feelings even for a few days, the cortisol decreases, which is the culprit for many problems If left on too long it won't just burn you out but can contribute to heart disease, diabetes 2, certain cancers, mental illness, memory loss and will ultimately bring down your immune system, breaking down your resistance to any disease that may be passing by. I was only a few inches away from her so I picked up she was totally at ease in her skin, no sense of anxiety, knew exactly what she wanted to communicate and was embedded in the present. If you're near someone who has a focus but is present, you pick it up and that in turn makes you present; your head gets clearer and you notice more in the 'moment'. This state then spreads from person to person like a virus. We naturally work as a social group not as individuals. This is one of the main points of mindfulness - that it isn't just about regulating your own thoughts and feelings but to use that clarity to communicate to the next person; it has a ripple effect. I call it neural wi-fi. If your mind is at ease it affects the next person which affects the room, then the neighbourhood, the town, the country and eventually the world. If each of us can hold back their trigger finger before impulsively reacting in anger it would benefit all mankind.

She said, if you introduce mindfulness in schools or at work, people sometimes ask, "What's the point of this?" You can tell them you'll get you higher grades or become more successful at business because you can stay calm in the storm. It's alright if you practice for those reasons but eventually, without being aware, you'll realise that you are much more than your job or your grades or your success. That there is a life that needs to be enriched and paid attention to and that makes life worth living

Here are the answers to the latest #AskRuby in full.  You can send me questions to answer on twitter by tweeting @RubyWax and using #AskRuby

1. @McArevey We have/have had countless diet shows & Embarrassing Bodies clinics on TV. Where are the programmes looking at mental health?

@Rubywax It’s all about what’s in fashion and viewing figures. Obviously body mutations and over ‘cellulited’ people (want to be pc) are in and we are out.  When they run out of physical atrocities then maybe our day will come.

2.@WTarps:  I'm bipolar and been well on meds for 10 years.  Should I still put MH disability down on job apps in case I ever relapse?

@Rubywax Once you’ve said you’re bi-polar on your CV you can’t take it off again.   If you get caught lying they will burn you at the stake and take away your insurance

3. @mariloubluebell why do you think that you are so driven?

@Rubywax  I was raised by immigrants who were always fleeing from one place or another. I’m sure that’s why I’m driven; to stop moving forward means annihilation

4. @BobFlowerpot how do you forgive, and what does that mean? #AskRuby

@Rubywax You forgive by letting go of the hatred and the continuous story in your head that justifies it. However hard it is to forgive, it’s easier than carrying that weight.

5. @sianysianp Thanks for Hay, I worry that CBT is being used as some miracle fix within my local area - have you seen this happening? #AskRuby

@Rubywax Nothing works for everything and there is no miracle but at least there’s something other then GP’s tossing drugs at anyone who has a bad day willy-nill.  At least now you get a human face to talk to and talking plus medication really is the cure. Maybe someday you can get other therapies but one step at a time.

6. @JPeacock101  are you coming birmingham on your tour next year ;o)

@Rubywax You can see all my tour dates here http://www.rubywax.net/tour.html

I don't like parties anymore, I don't think I ever did but when you drink, the world is your oyster card. I remember in the old days throwing it back as fast as I could and thinking I was a joy to behold. I wasn't, I told the same story over and over again and didn't notice people blurring over with boredom. I spent days afterwards on the phone asking if I went too far? If you have to ask it you did.

I went to a large party a few days ago and this time was aware of why in the past I felt the need to get drunk. Maybe it's because I've been practicing mindfulness that this time I could notice with clarity what was happening and what I was feeling and thinking in the moment. When I'm with a few people and feel stressed I have the space to be able to focus my attention on one of my senses either breath, sound, taste, touch or sight and be able to cool down my chattering mind, think clearly and listen to everyone. At this party - with so many people in one room - my mind scattered so I fell straight into my old habits from way back in childhood; getting people laugh to get their approval. Why I need to do this I don't know. It could be because as a child I always thought the more people I could get to like me, the more protected I was from my parents' abuse. It would be like building a human igloo of protection. So I'm at the party moving like a starving animal hunting for attention from person to person. I usually gravitate to those I perceive as the most powerful or popular. If I can get them to like me my self-esteem goes up a mile. That feeling only lasts a few seconds because it's such hard work. While I'm mentally tap dancing for their attention, my mind is assaulting me with, "Any second they're going to find out that I'm a fraud".

I'm ashamed to write this but it's true and better out than in. The rest of the evening is spent panicking about how long I'm supposed to talk to one person and then when do I turn and talk to the next? I don't want them to turn away first: that would stab me in the heart, so I exhaust myself trying to stay interesting even if they're boring me senseless. What kind of people have the confidence to just stand there and be boring? Does this mean they're more evolved or superior to the rest of us? So, I'm standing there holding a glass and my mind is now a car crash of instructions on what to do next. (I never know why we can't sit down. Does standing mean you're a grown-up?) And then dinner starts and you're assigned to sit next to someone you don't know and have to talk to him/her for the rest of the night. Is this supposed to be fun? I'm dripping in sweat because of feeling the burden that I have to keep the conversation titillating. I found myself at this party saying, "So tell me about the diggers you invest in, in East Africa." I caught myself humped over desperately trying to keep my interest going but then thought, "I can't do this anymore" and making sure he didn't notice, I made sure I didn't upset him by letting him finish his speech about diggers, I slipped away. I suppose that is being mindful, noticing that my mind was out of commission and I wasn't really there. I left to sit in the loo to calm my racing mind. I could then clearly decide what I really felt I wanted to do. Without beating myself up about it, which would have happened five years ago, I went to bed. It turns out no one noticed I left. Sometimes it's good not to feel like you have to steal the show - you only end up with a hangover.