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Brian Cox and Me

6/8/2014

11 Comments

 
Picture
In Edinburgh, not having a depression, no, this is a feeling and when you have a feeling you don't have depression. With depression you feel nothing, dead, frozen inhuman. There is no reason for this sadness; I'm doing my show, it's full, I don't forget my lines so all's good on that front. One of my adages is that it's not worth mentally hunting around for why you're sad; your body gives you information, your mind scrambles for an explanation, usually wrong because we've only got few thousands words and over 50,000 feelings. It's like translating Spanish and you only have the word "Tapas."

What happened to me is not the reason for my mood but I'm sure it contributed. My first night here I was invited to a dinner mainly for scientists who are up here doing a radio show. I'm placed next to Brain Cox and something inside me wilts because I know I am sitting next to a superior being and he will soon find out I'm a two-celled worm. I am next to someone who knows what happened to make the big bang, he sees atoms and electrons and even knows what they are. He doesn't think about things that I, a mere mortal does, like whether or not there is food on my teeth, and death. To me he is greater than any rock star squared.

You could say this is my imagination - and I know it is - but it's all I've got. This is my trigger, if I'm near someone that smart, I tailspin into the interior pre-recorded CD made in childhood that goes something like this, "You're a total idiot and people will find out that you're an idiot." (It's repeated many times). It was an early recording from around the time I came in last in my class in finger painting at nursery school. I also did not get into the swing of potty training till way after the time it was considered chic.

So there I was, hair-raised because the guy sitting next to me is (I have not gone on spell check which I usually have to every two words) a motecular genicist, astro physist, evolutionary something particale physisit, neruimmunionpiginy, quantum electrocardiologist with some string thrown in, he's beautiful and looks ten years old. At first I try to pull out something from the empty space called my brain; I give it my best shot. I say, tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth, "If there are infinite parallel universes meaning there are zillions of me's, how am I able to put food in my mouth with one fork?" He actually didn't look at me as if I was a dead bug I think he may have thought I knew something he didn't so he responded with something about fractals and particles, that I can exist here but also there. I laughed and said of course I know that and then began to sing show tunes from "Annie Get Your Gun" because Robin Ince, another genius on the other side of me, told me Brian liked those songs. I could tell Brian was confused but amused and then his wife phoned and among other things said she was thrilled I was next to her husband and told him to take a selfie. We pose for the photo and I don't want his head to touch mine in case I pass my idiocy into his.

Thank God I happened to have one of those small blow up Pilates balls in my bag so I put it to my mouth and blew it up for the shot. Brian held up a candle representing the sun or Lady Macbeth, I'm not sure. Anyway after the ice breaker we were fine. He told me about how nothing much happened on the earth for 3.7 billion years and then about 600,000 years ago when there was finally enough oxygen, a cell filled with mitochondria (I nodded as if I knew) from some piece of fungi started to breath in oxygen while another cell breathed out methane (I'm sure I got that wrong) and so complexity began and then he went all the way up to how us was formed. I had no cards to play because I knew I was that cell breathing oxygen but not much more.

I do have some features; I'm a good listener and can be extremely funny when I'm not nervous. So now he's included some older guy across from us in into the conversation about some LE173 gene that they found which determined how far that complex cell would migrate from central Africa to Egypt and the guy says how many of these LE438's could get that far? He asks me what I do and out of my mouth before I can pull the brakes out comes, "Model/actress". He laughs, I don't know why, and I'm thinking this guy is a mortal like me just listening to the Master speak but then Brain or Brian tells me this is the world's leading cosmologist. I shrivel. Carlos Frenk (look him up on You Tube, I did and almost choked to death). I didn't even understand his opening line, then holding up a squiggle on a piece of paper he told us in the language of math (which I do not speak) to take fluctuating space and multiply it by time. That was later, when I go home - but now, in the restaurant, he tells me that he was on a plane and was asked what he did, he said cosmologist and the person said, "Do you think I need a face lift?" I didn't think that was funny because that's what I would have asked. Then it gets worse he asks me where I think he comes from. I'm sweating. I say Hungary, no Brazil, to help me he tells me it's 29th latitude and 36 longitude so then I give up saying, "Ok you must be Mexican" and yes, that's what he is. Bingo. I then start to show off asking what town and I reel off Spanish names some of them are in Argentina but by now he thinks I'm funny so I'm riding high on my stupidity. At the end of the night I think I got a D for effort. I went home and, as I said, Youtubed Carlos Frenk all night until the electricity ran out and I woke up knowing nothing, nothing. This re-telling of my evening is not about wanting your pity; this is just a sharing of the inner landscape of my mind or whatever's in there. Thanks.

I'm in Edinburgh with my Sane New World Tour this week and I'll be touring the UK this Autumn. You can find full details here.


11 Comments
Janet Crawford
7/8/2014 07:27:04 am

Loved the show Ruby, came to see yesterday. I'm having a hard time and your book is helping me to think less and be more. I spoke with you at signing event, and would love an audio version to be available of show in future if possible. Good luck and take care Janet C.

Reply
arwen garza
23/8/2020 05:49:44 am

get your ex back with a love spell that works fast.
Dr.Jumba   has helped thousands of women get their Ex boyfriends back using his real effective love Spell. After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So I contacted this great spell caster for help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 11 hours my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Dr. Jumba released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And He also opened his eyes to picture how much love we have shared together. As I am writing this testimony right now I am the happiest woman on earth. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Email him at   wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com , wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  or Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108    "I'm so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Dr.Jumba   is the best! I'll never forget how much he helped me  
  WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/ 

Reply
katelijne
8/8/2014 07:38:36 pm

Thank you so much Ruby, you are a life saver, coming in right time, and right place.. my son and I flew from Belgium to see you, as we have holidays now. I hope you visit our region soon, as 1 million Belgian people take antidepressants, of the 11 million living here. We need to break the stigma and your unique way will tumble the walls, I am sure. Thank you for doing all this, take good care!

Reply
Audrey Tietz
20/8/2014 03:26:18 am

Hi Ruby!

I’m in such awe of your work- I’m a Abnormal and Clinical Psychology student studying at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge! Mental Illness has fascinated me from about the age of 14 when I started having my own problems! I’m also from a pretty crazy family which has been a bit of a constant case study! I’ve watched so many of you’re videos on youtube and I’d like to think we’re quite similar in the way we talk to people about mental illness, it doesn’t have to be so stern!
I know this sounds kinda crazy, but I would LOVE be involved in any groups, research work your doing either informally or formally, I think our brains could work excellently together.
I’m sure you get lots of students or professors asking to work with you, and I understand I’m probably not up there with Phd students or professors. But I just see a lot of myself in you psychologically, I feel we could have a famous 13 hour Yung – Freud conversation about depression, the brain, medication ETC!!!
Like yourself, I feel I’m not meant to just be a psychologist/psychoanalyst/counsellor, I feel there is something bigger out there for me, I want to spread my wings and really make people hear far and wide all about mental illness and the stigma etc. I’ve realised recently if you truly feel like you’re meant to do something truly special in this world you’ve got to take big leaps like this and see if someone catches you at the other end of the trapeze!

I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed I hear something back from you!

Reply
Becky Sidebottom link
28/8/2014 11:38:44 pm

Hi Ruby
I wanted to contact to see if you would be willing to take part in a new challenge that has been set up. It's the chocolate button challenge - how many chocolate buttons can you fit in your mouth. It's to raise funds for Bipolar UK and awareness of Bipolar Disorder. With your influence this could obviously spread quite far. People are asked to take the challenge then nominate others to do so on video and post to social media this has been happening on facebook. Nominees are then asked to donate once completing the challenge via texting BIPO14 (amount in £s) to 70070. We ask people to use the hashtags #beckysbuttonboutique #chocolatebuttonchallenge #BipolarUK so we can keep track.

Further information below.
Really hope you can do this! ☺️

Other details:
Just to explain the background - I am diagnosed with bipolar and spend my spare time making button themed bipolar awareness items and jewellery (buttons are my thing) and donating sales to Bipolar UK and the International Bipolar Foundation. My group is

www.facebook.com/beckysbuttonboutique

Following success of ALS Ice bucket challenge I contacted Bipolar UK and set up the chocolate button challenge. We ask people to take the challenge to see how many chocolate buttons they can fit in their mouth and nominate others to do the same. While donating money via text to Bipolar Uk (as detailed above previously).

We ask people to use the hashtags #beckysbuttonboutique #chocolatebuttonchallenge #BipolarUK as it originated from my group and will help keep track as Bipolar UK are wanting to document it. We also ask if people will post
Their videos on my page www.facebook.com/beckysbuttonboutique

Thanks so much for your time and consideration. Really hope you will be willing and have the time to do this 😊


Here is the link to the first video that I started off:


https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=506983649446185&id=444583915686159

Best wishes
Becky

Reply
tutu
8/9/2014 06:06:17 pm

Hi ruby can u tell me the name of 1st baby actress in 1990-1991? From westminster hospital?

Reply
peter.reid
19/9/2014 07:17:00 pm

hello ruby wax.a speaciall.woman I like speaks her mind. strange. I always get called dick head.bruce says same.lol..love you ruby.peter.xx

Reply
Mike
26/9/2014 07:00:49 am

I don't understand why with mindfulness (MBCT etc) that you got so drawn in to the thoughts of inferiority. Surely you notice them, and realise that they are irrational, and let them float away by not getting drawn in too much. Thoughts are not facts and all that. Regular mindfulness practise builds the 'muscle' that allows one to refocus on the present and not get drawn in to the peripheral noise / thoughts. Over time this becomes much easier, as the muscle becomes stronger (not a perfect metaphor but it is a reasonable one).

It is also good to try doing self-compassion practises over time. It is possible to retrain the inner critic to become an inner friend. Not arrogance though, but just confidence and contentment.

When you said that you were far more lowly than Professor Cox, I didn't think that at all. I would say that he needs to learn about mindfulness and about emotions from you. He is amazing, and emotionally articulate, but you are an expert with a masters from Oxford. You are amazing too! You are also very funny and creative, which is a form of high intelligence. Making people laugh isn't just child's play... it takes a lot of other skills, such as emotional intelligence, empathy, excellent language skills, intuition, bravery, highly parallel and creative thinking.

People who have a natural talent for something usually underestimate that skill because it comes fairly easy to them. As it comes easy, it doesn't feel complicated to them, and therefore they feel it isn't a worthy skill or talent that they have. This is why we often appreciate each others skills, that we ourselves don't possess. Don't forget this trick of the mind. Don't be fooled in to thinking your amazing sense of humour is a lowly skill. A sense of humour can disarm a crowd and make a group of people feel happier than any drug or anti-depressant without side effects. I think that's amazing to be honest.

The voices that you heard as a child that told you that you were stupid can be reprogrammed in to more positive programs. They are just habitual mechanisms residing in the brain. Habitual mechanisms can be overridden with enough training.

I am preaching to someone who knows all this, I know. I guess I'm trying to remind you that you are great.

Reply
arwen garza
23/8/2020 05:50:23 am

get your ex back with a love spell that works fast.
Dr.Jumba   has helped thousands of women get their Ex boyfriends back using his real effective love Spell. After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So I contacted this great spell caster for help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 11 hours my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Dr. Jumba released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And He also opened his eyes to picture how much love we have shared together. As I am writing this testimony right now I am the happiest woman on earth. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Email him at   wiccalovespelltools@yahoo.com , wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  or Call/WhatsApp him:  +19085174108    "I'm so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Dr.Jumba   is the best! I'll never forget how much he helped me  
  WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com blog : https://wiccaspelltools.blogspot.com/ 

Reply
Bella George
1/12/2020 08:41:00 am

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA  CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108 

This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Jumba who help me....  am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you Dr Jumba  . Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for a solution to their problems, I advise you to kindly consult Dr Jumba  , he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on whatsapp : +1 (908) 517 4108 or email him : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  .  website :  https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/

Reply
Bella George
1/12/2020 08:43:40 am

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA  CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108 

This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Jumba who help me....  am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you Dr Jumba  . Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for a solution to their problems, I advise you to kindly consult Dr Jumba  , he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on whatsapp : +1 (908) 517 4108 or email him : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  .  website :  https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/

Reply



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