I interviewed Donald Trump about sixteen years ago.  He invited me to go with him to judge an emergency beauty contest in Atlantic City. It was crucial because there were so many succulent women hanging off the vines in that part of the world, they needed picking and who better to pick than world expert of womanhood (Donald Trump). He allowed me to film him for my show “Ruby’s American Pie” on BBC One.
 
He wanted to do the interview on his private jet because he didn’t have a lot of time to stand still so we agreed.  After waiting for him to have his makeup done (agent orange) we sat down and at about 33,000 feet he announced his candidacy to become the next President of the United States, I laughed heartily as he told us to shut off the camera.  After some persuasion he let us turn it on again. He told me if he became president he wouldn’t have to charge the country to buy another Air Force One jet because he already had one like it.  I said, trying to stay neutral, that I thought it would be easier to find women to date once he was actually in the White House (a fair point). He seemed irked. Eventually, because of my in-depth interview style he told me he had had enough of me, got up and locked himself in the cockpit. Eventually the plane landed, primarily, I thought, to get rid of us.
 
At that point he gave me a lift in his limo and the regret of my life is I didn’t have my sound equipment switched on or a camera. In the car he got down and dirty, trying to shock me by giving me detailed accounts of what he likes to do with his many many women. The one thing I am is unshockable - I was utterly revolted though.  Roger Stone (his political consultant) was in the car and laughed like a drain at Donald’s hilarious carnal tales.
 
 When my crew and I finally got to Atlantic City, via some of the most bizarre sights to be seen in the US (you can see this on the first half of the show), we hunted him down at the beauty contest in Atlantic City. There we watched him charm his people telling them dirty jokes. One is about someone who went to the toilet and didn’t wash his hands. I forget the punch line. I spent a lot of time with Roger Stone discussing how he gets his hair that way. 
 
Later, I met his future wife, Melania Trump super model/something and perhaps future First Lady.  She shared with me his incredible sexual mastery and when I asked if he puts his money where his mouth is, she gave me a big proud “yes” (class), try to eat your lunch again people.  The crowds also ate him up and I met some very excited women who were supporters of his future presidency. One elderly woman (has to be seen in this video because words fail me) with just a few missing teeth God bless her, somehow managed to get her hands on a million dollars to donate to Donald’s campaign. He gave her back a ring as thanks.
 
I beg you to watch this show and pass it to others to have a reality check on the potential next President of the United States. Then be scared, be very scared.  If you want to get to the Donald interview quicker, jump to around the second half of the show(about 12 minutes in); the beginning is just the introduction explaining why I was in the middle of nowhere as I had been thrown off his jet. Giving you the link to this program is all I can do now to try and save the world.  At least I can say I tried to do my patriotic duty.  If you have the right, please do your patriotic duty and vote on or before Tuesday.
 
Here is the interview in full: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM831KNZN74&feature=youtu.be    Please share it as far and wide as you can.  

High up in a room overlooking Paddington Basin, with hot coffee and Jammie Dodgers to hand, the doors opened yesterday on my first Frazzle Café, admitting 30 or so men and women who ranged from feeling frazzled (not just stressed but thinking about stress) to experiencing mental health concerns to having someone in the family or a friend or co-worker affected by depression and anxiety and simply not knowing what to do. Until now – none of them had anywhere they could just turn up and find some anonymous peer-to-peer support.
We live in a time where to have a life crammed to the hilt is considered a success story. But with all this pressure, so many of us have no-where to go to meet and talk about it.
So yesterday, it was remarkable to watch as one after another of these people bravely come forward to share their stories. Just calmly, sitting in a circle in the café, stating their case, and feeling validated as a result. Feeling heard to me has always been half the cure. 
It was everything I had hoped for and more when I came up with the idea for Frazzle cafes five years ago. Of fulfilling my dream to start walk-ins where people have a chance to talk honestly without feeling stigmatised self-indulgent or weak.
The idea came from my Sane New World Tour, which I began after gaining a Masters’ degree in cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness from Oxford in 2011, and writing a book of the same name. The second half of the show I asked the audience if they wanted to speak and they always did.
I performed for 200 shows in theatres of 700-800 capacity - and in the second half I offered the audience the chance to speak, and fond I couldn’t shut them up. Moreover, once a week when I was in the West End, I opened the theatre to the public for free walk in sessions with great speakers and therapists which the audience could make contact with.
Honestly, the show was funny, but I think they would have come without any jokes.  They were instinctively reaching out and networking with each other, often turning up to several shows and events and meeting again.
I could feel and see a real need for some kind of space where anyone with a mental health concern could connect with this peer-to -peer support. In my head, it was looking more and more like a sort of AA to help us get through the overwhelming stresses of modern life.
This isn’t just for the one in four Britons who will suffer a mental illness at some point in their lives, or who are family to someone who does, or who work in mental healthcare. But for the ‘four in four’ - who feel they are cracking from the pressure cooker of life. Too exhausted keeping up the front of being fine – and feeling frustrated with that.
Because who isn’t in  a state of stress overload these days? Stress upon stress, and thinking about stress on top of that. So as I was also writing my mindfulness book called Frazzled, the name for the cafes was pretty self-evident. It is also so much easier to say I feel frazzled, than to say I feel depressed, or anxious, or mentally ill, all of which are still such stigmatised things.  
Ending the taboo around mental health is all important. Because right now, if you do feel your mental health isn’t great, you may worry about telling your employers or friends, especially if you are saying I need to go for therapy for an hour.  You may fear getting judged and sometimes with good reason – according to Mind on in five of those who have taken their employer into their confidence about their problems with mental health is soon fired or pushed out of their jobs.
But, trust me, if you can’t ever get to a place where you can express yourself to others, well, that way madness really does lie. Everyone – however stiff their upper lip happens to be - gets what you mean if you say I feel frazzled and I need a break.
I see the benefit of these Frazzle cafes is that whenever we’re all a little bit more open about mental health that lessens the overall prejudice.
That was true yesterday as we opened the doors at  the Frazzle café in Paddington – where the two sessions we held were a pilot scheme. Strangers who had applied via a mailing list, compiled from audiences who came to my shows, opened up about themselves quite quickly, responding to the warm, positive and safe atmosphere. This common thread of feeling isolated can be pretty powerful in uniting people. That experience of meeting face to face is important and with our mental health services stretched to breaking point and it can be hard to see a therapist on the NHS. Many people simply don’t believe they can go to talk, to get affordable help.
Meanwhile, everyone else – the frazzled at large – are often separated from family and the old connections of church, we’re emotionally blocked off and in real danger of  stress wiping us out.
My hope is that these cafes, if they take off,  will be one solution.  It’s still early days – we need to work out branding, marketing and organisation details, but Marks & Spencer has already generously offered places to host meetings. They’re suggesting quiet rooms with coffee on a trolley, by the way, not the middle of a crowded café on the shop floor, which would feel a little exposed, let’s be honest.
Each meeting will be led by a facilitator, to ignite conversation, there’ll be a loose order – a little mindfulness to start and end the meeting, a coffee break in the middle. And there’ll be someone who works in the mental health field always present for support, and lots of contact details for support groups to hand. 
I hope people to leave feeling they are part of something bigger than themselves.
Certainly yesterday’s clientele was enthusiastic, with many talking about how they wanted to wanting to help set up cafes close to their homes, in schools and at the office. At first, I imagine each group will feel fairly random in terms of what elements of health are discussed, but I can envisage more niche groups getting established, like teens taking exams, or families where depression is present.  Thirty feels the right size for now – it is possible to sit back a little in a group that size if you are worried about feeling exposed. But smaller groups might naturally emerge. I can see buddy systems developing too.
In 200 shows with 700 people in the audience each time, we’ve never had an awkward or uncomfortable incident so far. People really listened to each other because they recognised their own tribe and only want to give support.
This is my chance to give back. And yesterday’s meeting turned out just as I thought it would. When I led the mindfulness session at the end, I could feel we’d let the heat out of the pressure cooker for some. Because, while there many not be a single solution to the stress of modern life, to be able to look each other in the eye and say, yes, I know how you feel and its OK is at least a start.

First published in the Telegraph 17 May 2016

To find out more about the Frazzled Cafes and receive information about future sessions, sign up here

Thank you all for your #AskRuby questions - fascinating as always.  You can ask me anything with #AskRuby over on twitter. 

Elaine Clancy @elainecclancy
@Rubywax #AskRuby which book should I start with first Sane New World or mindfulness guide for the Frazzled, in your opinion?
 
If you want to know why you’d need Mindfulness get Sane New World. If you want to learn how to do mindfulness (my much easier to use in everyday life version) go to Frazzled. I’d say get both and cut between the two continuously until you’re finished, then I’ll write you another book.
 

Jenny Horscraft @TrulyMadlyJenny
@Rubywax #askruby How do you stop yourself constantly worrying about things you can't do anything about? X
​
Worrying always means you can’t do anything about something - otherwise you wouldn’t worry. If you recognize this simple truth then start to listen to the worrying as you would a familiar but irritating sound track – eventually you lose interest.


Harry Callahan @siakker
#AskRuby it's hard keeping good routines on bad days but at least I have dark cloud reminding me why needed. On good days I forget. Any tips

If you have a good day, bring out the champagne, blow up the balloons and celebrate. You’re lucky to have one day with no clouds.


Youcanrecover @Youcanrecovere
@Rubywax #AskRuby I've had depression for 5 years and im suffering with bulimia too. trying so hard to not give up. Does it get better?  😢

I have to acknowledge the depressed elephant in the room by asking if you’re on medication? If the depression is on-going, why aren’t you?  If you had any other disease would you allow yourself to suffer?  No, you would not.  If you’re on a medication and its not working, change it, there are hundreds.  Yes, I promise it gets better.


Lori C @Lori6283
@Rubywax Does Mindfulness really help depression? I just cannot motivate myself to look into it. And where do I start? 😞 #AskRuby

Research shows that those who’ve had depression for more than three or more episodes, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy yields a 60 per cent chance of preventing relapse. To learn how to do it, listen to Headspace you don’t even have to leave your bed, just switch it on and listen.
 

Sally Brantley @Sally4x
@Rubywax #AskRuby where is the best place to start with Mindfulness?

On  YouTube listen to Mark Williams, my professor at Oxford, co-founder of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and a genius.  No one makes it clearer, not even me.
 

Abdullah Alsarraf @aboodsarraf
@Rubywax do you have any background on Depersonlization? #AskRuby
No.  I’m just a small person I can’t know everything about everything.
 

Tiffany Louise Clark @tifflouclark
@Rubywax #AskRuby my anxiety is from regretting wrongly spent (being unhappy/not achieved) time that can't get back,how can I remedy this?TY

It’s not just your problem, it’s a hard, cold fact; none of us cant get time back.  It might make you feel better to know we all suffer from knowing it.


Nadia Jean Flynn @nadiaflynn80
@Rubywax #AskRuby how do I stop perfectionism & be patient with myself/life? Have a broken heart ATM

Imagine if your best friend told you that she was heartbroken, how would you respond?  I’m sure you’d be patient and compassionate. Just turn that on yourself. 
 

smithy @GailaSmith
@Rubywax when are u back on TV! #askruby

When someone asks me to go back. But in the meantime I’m ‘live’ on stage in “Frazzled” – waaaay more fun.  I can see the whites of people’s eyes.


Suzi ♫ @MessMakerPro
#AskRuby How did you manage to move to England?  Can I defect to England if Trump becomes President?

Don’t wait, get on a plane now, the end is nigh and you’ll be crushed by the hoards trying to exit when he wins.
 

Charlotte Foxon @Charlotte_Foxon
@Rubywax Would you ever do another run of 'Ruby Wax Meets...'? I adored that show, had to dig out the Trump one the other day! #AskRuby

If I’m paid well, I’d do almost anything but I will not meet Trump ever again. Even if we’re talking millions, I’d rather cut out my tongue.


Nicky @winklesbird 
@Rubywax how can I shut up my negative internal monologue!  #AskRuby

If you run from the monster, it will chase you. If you face it, it will run away. We all have that yabbering critic in our heads berating us through a bullhorn, so you’re not alone.  Try mindfulness you learn to live with it; not obey it or believe it – then it loses its hold on you. 


Mediathirsty @Mediathirsty
@Rubywax #AskRuby How would you use your own personal forcefield? #myownforcefield

As in “Star Wars”? I wasn’t aware I had one.
 

 Hàna Swann @hanaswaan
@Rubywax #AskRuby What do u think of  Mindfulness Meditation as a Buddhist Practice??

 It is a Buddhist practice, mindfulness is just more Western so you don’t have to sit in lotus position with your legs in a bow or clean up your act so you don’t come back in your next life as a cricket.  Meditation happened to have the best results as far as reducing stress, which is made evident in a brain scanner. So thank you Buddhists.


Matthew Sinclair @mtthwsnclr
In your workshops @Rubywax, what's the biggest misconception about #mentalhealth you hear from managers? #AskRuby  

Managers sometimes just throw up their arms and say it’s not their problem, they don’t know how to deal with it.  It is their problem because if anyone in their team goes under, it’s a reflection on their competence.


Emma @emmac007
@Rubywax #askruby when you are not feeling great what song makes you feel a bit better

‘Creep’ by Radiohead; it’s my anthem.  It’s so heart splittingly beautiful. I identify with the agony of feeling like a freak.
 

sarah drew jones @sdj19
@Rubywax Will Hillary Clinton get your vote this November? And please sum up #Trump in three words. #AskRuby

Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!
 

not him a Glen! @glenpk2
Was the Omen your first acting job? #AskRuby @Rubywax

Yes and I was fantastic as someone who had one line.
 

Tom Urie @mrtomurie
@Rubywax #AskRuby  who would play you in a movie of your life?

Carrie Fisher
 

John Bradley @flypie
@Rubywax Where did it all go wrong? #AskRuby

That’s the question I ask almost every hour and have up with no answer.
 

Kevin G @eatwasps
@Rubywax are you involved with the #abfabmovie? #askruby

Yes I wrote some of the lines - what more is there to give?

Thank you all so much for your questions on twitter - it's good to talk.  

You can always send me your questions to me @rubywax with #AskRuby


@olivia_nathan
@Rubywax #askruby what do you believe to be the biggest misconception/stigma surrounding mental health today?
That it’s our imagination. That if we could just ‘perk up’ or ‘pull ourselves together’ or ‘pull our finger out’ (that’s a good one.  A finger out of what?) we’d be perfectly fine.  If any other organ went down you’d get sympathy cards, but not the brain.
 
@maidenmum
@Rubywax Do you have any specific advice/tips/ mindfulness excercises for the extreme emotions and anxiety in menopause. Thank you.#AskRuby
Try and focus on the exact area you’ve got physical sensations in your body. This pulls your focus from thinking about how anxious you are which only makes you more anxious. Rumination about why you’re anxious doubles the agony.
 
@StudentMindsOrg
@Rubywax #AskRuby - do you have any tips for university students dealing with depression?
Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHIR3UVIoNU&feature=youtu.be
Get to a doctor - you can’t cope with depression on your own and if you get a bad feeling about him get to another doctor. Use your gut instinct but get help.  Don’t try and sweat it out.
 
@EloiseAStark
@Rubywax #AskRuby What would you do if you noticed a friend seemed depressed or withdrawn?
 Ask if they want help if they want, if they do get them help, if they tell you to piss off there’s nothing you can do but keep your eye on them and keep your compassion pumping.
 
 
@JPGSheedy
@Rubywax Do you think the 1 in 4 stat has at times alienated those of us with severe conditions by diminishing it as common place? #AskRuby
No
 
 
@LivveyKirtley
.@Rubywax Is there anything specific you think researchers can do to help #endstigma? #AskRuby
 As soon as researchers discover what’s malfunctioning in the brain the faster it will be for us to say, “Look there it is as clear as a tumour so now shut up and don’t you dare try and fire me at work or give me a hard time or I’ll sue you.”
 
@annaros93001241
#AskRuby Hi Ruby, I love your books!! My boyfriend has depression, what can I do to help him when he's down?
 If he really has depression rather than a bad, sad mood get him to a doctor but make sure the doctor’s qualified in psychiatry.  You obviously care about him by asking the question; he’s lucky to have you.
 
@strangelymillsy
#AskRuby how would you advise someone in asking for support from their work when they are dealing with depression?
There must be someone in HR who deals with that situation. If not, why not? If you feel your job might be in jeopardy, call Sane and speak to someone who can advise you on your legal rights.   Sane.org.uk
 
@SaskiaIseard
@Rubywax is it possible to practise mindfulness during a busy commute & how? Going to your show tomorrow, looking forward to it! #AskRuby
I practice it on the tube or in a queue when it’s not moving or on holding on the phone to music that could drive you more mental than you are. Just for a minute focus on the sound of the train or the taste of coffee.  In that minute you take the focus from the thoughts to your sense where there is only sensation no nagging.
If you read my book “Frazzled,” I give suggestions on how you can wedge it into a busy day. Everyone has a at least a minute in their day when they’re not doing something or else we’d all be institutionalized.
 
@kcb1
@Rubywax #AskRuby I have read ur book and want to practice mindfulness but get caught up in daily life. Any advice how to change this?
 Daily life is exactly when you could practice mindfulness. We don’t have anything else but our daily lives.  If you notice you’re autopilot when you want to be present for something, mindfulness helps you pull into that gear.  Use it or your life could just pass as a blur.
 
 @gem82running
@Rubywax do you think mental illness is compatible with a stressful job or is it asking for trouble?Thx for the walk in,it was fab #AskRuby
Mental illness has nothing to do with a job, it’s a disease, not caused by stress. People work so hard and long they can burn out but that’s different than mental illness. You can have it even if you’ve never lifted a finger; even if you’re living on an island with room service it still hits 1 in 4. That should make you feel better.
 
@KiddGraeme
@Rubywax where's your favourite venue/place to perform comedy? #AskRuby
I know this might sound weird but I love performing in mental institutions. It feels like I’m with my people, I’m safe because they know they’re of my tribe. They laugh even when something’s not funny. I’m so grateful.
 
@graeme123s
@Rubywax #askruby Please explain about your mum vacuuming with her teeth - How/Why? Just finished Frazzled - loved it!
That was a joke. She vacuumed with her nostrils.
 
@leesapollo
@Rubywax #AskRuby I worry about fitting daily mindfulness in. I'm managing the 10mins each morning but wondered how long u spend each day?
10 minutes is a great achievement - most people can’t do a second. I spend about 10 minutes scattered throughout the day, even in the bathroom.
 
 @StevePersonally
@Rubywax number one recommendation for me supporting a bipolar lady (doing pretty ok) #askruby
Stand by her through her highs and lows - which there will be a great number of, so hold onto your hat.
 
@rachredgate
@Rubywax How did you first come across mindfulness? #AskRuby
I read that it has the best results for preventing relapse of depression so I dove in that pool.
 
@Dream_on_Alex
@Rubywax  can I use mindfulness to help me have a deeper sleep? #AskRuby
Yes, it stops the ruminating and that’s what keeps you up; those thoughts churning over and over again and the bitch is that there will never be an answer however much you churn. Mindfulness helps you cool it on the churning
 
@coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby and are you planning to tour with Frazzled?
Yes - I’ll be touring the UK starting in April.  I’ll give you dates on rubywax.net/tour next week.
 
Karen Cox @coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby how can i get my kids to practice mindfulness regularly?
Good luck getting them to practice even once. Most kids will rebel whatever you tell them. I know my kids think I’m an atrocity of nature.  Just do it yourself and they’ll pick up that you’re being calmer in the storms and may even ask you what you’re doing to get there.
 
@slabss
@Rubywax can one practice mindfulness without meditation? #AskRuby
It is meditation but without the Buddhist thing going on you don’t have to wear a robe or sit on a gulten free cushion.  Yes, you got it.
 
@flyingkipper
@Rubywax What is the most helpful piece of advice you could give someone with #depression? #AskRuby #mentalhealth #mentalillness
Get to a doctor who can give you the right medication and later add some CBT when you feel better.  If you’re really down, just give yourself a break and wait for the demon to leave.
 
@jeanjobling
#AskRuby how can I quieten the mind at night to help sleep?
Do mindfulness if you can or just distract yourself; read something really boring or focus anywhere you can but on your thoughts. They are the great preventer of sleep.
 
@screemer75
@Rubywax did you experience physical symptoms when first practising meditation #askruby
No just the mental agony of looking in on my thoughts which is part of the process. If you don’t know what’s going on in there, you’re at the mercy of it.
 
@susank2
#AskRuby top tips to maintain serenity when presenting to 120 colleagues at conference when brain sending "fight or flight" message to body!
Focus on breathing or the feel of your feet where they contact the ground.  If you focus on a physical sense, the thoughts cool down from the horrors of what might happen which isn’t going to help the situation – ever.  It’s the only way to deal with scariness as far as I’ve seen.
 

Alan Rickman died two weeks ago and I am broken, as is everyone else who knew him. I just wanted to share a few more words about him.

I first saw Alan in 1976 at the Edinburgh Festival. I was with a friend of his, who pointed him out saying casually "Do you want to meet Alan Rickman?". I don't remember much, but I stared and turned into my 13 year old self: teeth protruding, hunched back, "Oh hi Alan do you have curly hair on purpose?". He said something about it being for a play but I wasn't listening; he was gorgeous and I had my first whiff of what charisma looks like up close. I was determined from that point, even though it was a rocky start, to make him my friend against all odds. It didn't start out well. He was looking at me with slight disgust - as he did throughout our 38 years together.

This could have been a one-night stand but for some bolt of destiny. We were brought together again. I followed him into Sheffield Rep. They were doing a production of As You Like It. I played a wench called Audrey, and Alan was Jacques.

Playing Audrey, it was easier to watch Alan each night and move in like a parasite after the shows to suck out his friendship. He was magnificent, I stood there gormless - luckily I could say it was part of my character. Each night I had the privilege of hearing his magnificent tones speak Shakespeare. I didn't know it was supposed to make sense or rhyme. Who knew?

I think I finally won his heart one night, when in an Indian restaurant they were playing sitar music...loudly. I called over the waiter and asked why should we listen to that when we could just kick a cat? Alan was amused and from then on I knew my mission was to make him laugh, my only trump card.

After Sheffield, I knew he was going to the RSC and I knew I needed to follow him, so I wrote a note to Joyce Nettles, the casting director. I knew they were doing As You Like It so I wrote to Joyce to ask that if the girl playing Phoebe died could I take over? She said she didn't think that would happen but did I want to audition? I did an audition, no one will forget and I don't think it meant good. I don't recall getting an acceptance letter but I just showed up with my makeup box and, to Alan's surprise, I was there on stage with him again. It didn't matter I was playing a dog and a rubbish bag (small parts in this production of The Tempest). 

I convinced Alan to share a house with me while in Stratford and to this day I do not know how. We called our home Shakespeare's Sauna because the rooms were decorated in pine wood and aluminium foil. I'd bring American tourists there telling them it was indeed where Shakespeare had his spa treatments until Alan put a stop to it. At some point we bought a tortoise and called it Betty which made us the official parents. For our amusement, we used to feed her peanut butter to watch her try to chew with no teeth. We'd invite other people over to watch. Please don't tell anyone this. I remember once Alan and I were walking to the theatre and ran into Peter Brooke who was about to direct Antony and Cleopatra. I mentioned to Peter that I'd like to put Betty up for the part of the snake and that she would play nude. Alan turned away and pretended to study a wall close up. Juliet Stevenson ended up getting Betty's part.

Then came him playing Valmont in Les Liasons Dangereuses from Stratford to Broadway and he became a rock star. Lindsay Duncan said that after the show most of the audience wanted to have sex, most of them with Alan Rickman.

And, I don't have to go on about Snape - a cult figure. When I used to tell people I knew Snape in real life, which I often did, they would lie prostrate before me. Also, I got reservations in many a restaurant.

No matter who he played, in real life, no one was more generous. I don't know how many people he supported emotionally and to all his friends who asked for it , he advised advised advised and was always right... A silent investor in people. He certainly did with my kids.

I'm not going to say goodbye because he's in all his friends and family - right there just under our skin we hear him, see him and love him more than life itself.
______
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - is out now and available in all good bookshops, as well as online. Be the first to find out more here.
​
Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London until Feb 13 2016. She is also holding walk-in sessions on 5 and 10 Februar

I just opened  at The Arts Theatre in the West End (my show, Sane New World runs until 13 February). I've toured this show for a few years around the UK but when the press come there's always a sickness in the stomach because you know that, with one swift negative scribble of the plume, it could get very painful and shaming - and yet you still have to show up. Anyway, I love my show and would come see it if I wasn't in it. This is an unusual thing for me to say as I'm not usually very flattering about myself but after about 200 performances, I think I might have nailed it.

When I started doing one woman shows 30 years ago, Alan Rickman directed me. I met him at the Royal Shakespeare Company where the actors on stage threw spit balls of notes at me while I was mid-performance, telling me that I should reconsider being an actress and to maybe think about an alternative career. It wasn't pleasant. Alan told me to write the way I spoke and thought, so I just let it rip on paper with wild abandon. When I handed him my tome covered in food stains he said it was like someone had vomited on him, but he edited it somehow and shaped it into a show. He directed my first piece while we were still in the RSC. We invited Trevor Nunn and all the other actors and directors to watch and suddenly I went from playing houseplants to speaking parts. (I still wasn't any good at acting but I think I was fun to have around.)

The show I wrote back then went to off-Broadway and I cast Americans in the roles. Alan refused to come because he was building his own career but I made several actresses cry and they refused to do my show unless Alan came and directed it. He did. He directed and mentored me on pretty much everything I did all those years ago; television, live shows, comedy scripts, films. I remember, he would give me hell while I was doing my one woman shows, telling me to not be so desperate because it showed in my eyes. He called them hatchet eyes; expressing excess neediness and fear. He told me to play myself and since I didn't know who that was I played a grinning, trying to be funny, loud American. The less people laughed, the louder I got. Alan would often do my lines and make me scream with hysterics, collapsing onto the floor, he was that good at comedy and timing. I often tried to imitate how he'd do it when I performed but it just confused people. During all those shows he'd give me the same note. "Don't try so hard." Finally, now, after many decades, I can be 'not desperate' on stage. It feels like I can let go of trying to please but still be aware there's an audience. I think now he might be proud.

He died last week and it's more heart-breaking than anything I've felt before. I feel like my insides have been gouged out and nothings left. He formed me and saved me. When my father used to come to the UK and bury me in verbal criticism, it was Alan who told him to 'lay off', who told him that I wasn't such a 'sad sack' as he called me but that I was very talented and would make it. My father rolled his eyes. If it wasn't for Alan I would never have thought of writing comedy, I would have had to return to my home, to my parents in the US and I know that would have broken me. I know that by now I'd be either institutionalised, heavily medicated or dead. I have to thank him and can't.


Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - is out now and available in all good bookshops, as well as online. Be the first to find out more here.
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Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London until Feb 13 2016.

I support the NHS. Here's a discount for all NHS workers for my Sane New World show at the Arts Theatre, London.

30% discount on all first week tickets 19th – 26th Jan, booked via the Arts Theatre box office quote NHS30. Arts Theatre box office on 020 7836 8463

Then a 15% discount on all weekday performances for the rest of the run. 27th Jan – 13th Feb (offer excludes all Friday and Saturday performances), quote NHS15 when you book your tickets.

Please note people will need to bring NHS id when you pick up the tickets.

Please share with the NHS workers you know and love 

Dpn't forget about my  walk in sessions at the Arts Theatre
No booking required  6-7 Great Newport St, London WC2H 7JB
2 - 4pm (doors open from 1.30pm)
27 January  2016  //   5 February 2016   //  ​10 February 2016

I wrote this on the last night of my tour of performing Sane New World. I could give out a little "whoop" but I'm extremely sad at endings even though I should know that everything ends and that there are always new beginnings after the endings but I don't see that part. (I'm a glass completely empty kind of person.) Even though there have been terrible travels on this tour (tonight I got on the wrong train, got off at the wrong stop, stood hunched alone in freezing cold, waiting for a bus (no heating) to take me somewhere recognizable where I begged someone in the parking lot for a lift to my theatre and luckily, they took pity), I loved doing my show.

So, I'm opening at the Arts Theatre London, on January 19th for a month in the West End. How happy will I be to be in one place for a month? Please come to see me, I don't want to be standing there talking to air.

The theatre is allowing me to do walk-in meetings where the public are invited to come free to sessions on mindfulness. These will happen three times - on 27th January, 3rd February and 10th February from 2-4pm. There will be access to the theatre from 1.30pm. During the sessions you can meet with a team of experts from the charity Sane to get your questions answered and to get help if need be . I'll also have great speakers (for instance, Peter Fonegy, head of the Anna Freud Centre and an expert on mindfulness for kids in schools). My job will be serving cookies and tea.

I've had walk-in centres before - during a run I did in the West End about five years ago and it was fantastic to behold. People were so grateful and relieved to at last make contact with someone who could offer help and an understanding of what they were going through. I remember, there was a woman at the first meeting who said she didn't want to live anymore and by week five she had a gang of friends around her as a support group and you could visibly see her come out of her misery.

After my show closes on February 13th, I'm going to start my walk-in centres in earnest, by piloting them in conjunction with Marks and Spencers who are supporting the scheme as part of their community programme 'Spark Something Good', which is backed by the charity Mind. They are signatories of Time to Change meaning they're dedicated to stopping the stigma and discrimination against any employees who have mental health problems

It has always been my dream to have these centres where you can meet your people and therefore feel less isolated. These meetings aren't necessarily for those with mental illness but for those who feel they're on the cusp of burning out or simply going up the ladder of 'stressdom'. Meeting other people in the same boat is almost half the cure. We are all so ashamed that we have vulnerabilities, all thinking we should be so strong and on top of things. This is so exciting for me to offer these centres; I know if we want to stop the stigma that there is strength in numbers.

Walk in Clinics at the ARTS THEATRE - no booking required
Please note that the first February date has been changed to 5th February due to a funeral.
6-7 Great Newport St, London WC2H 7JB
2 - 4pm 
January 27 2016
February 5 2016
February 10 2016

Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.
Follow Ruby Wax on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RubyWax

Some great questions here - thank you all so much for sending them in.  Don't forget, you can ask me anything over on twitter by sending me a tweet @RubyWax with #AskRuby

 
@MichaelKhalsa
@Rubywax What helps you when depression hits? #AskRuby xx
 
Realizing that depression has really hit and not pretending its not there and will just go away if I stay busy enough or distract myself enough.  Then indulge myself till it passes.
 
@DepressiveDiary
@Rubywax #AskRuby Are you ever ashamed of your depression and if so, how do you challenge that?
 
Yes, when I think the suffering that’s going on in the world, I’m ashamed because I’m not under siege nor is anyone firing guns at me.  I keep saying it’s 1 in 4 and depression doesn’t care who it gets no matter how privileged or safe.
 
@gem82running
@Rubywax How can I avoid passing on my anxiety and depression to my future children? PS Loved your show, been 3 times so far #AskRuby
 
Thanks for being nice about my show.  Depression isn’t something you pass like a virus. If someone has five kids, not all of them get it or get passed the mental illness parcel. It’s Russian roulette when it comes to who inherits what and whether it’s nature or nuture.  If you stay awake to their needs and aware of your syndrome then the offspring stands more of a chance for a better life. Love makes up for quite a lot of potential emotional problems.
 
@MichelleRey75
@Rubywax #AskRuby  what are you thoughts on the use of mobile phones around young children and early childhood brain development
 
I don’t know, I’m not an expert in the field but I know if I didn’t have a mobile I wouldn’t have survived.
 
@jays_ben
How does a relationship survive depression? #AskRuby

Only if you have a ‘loving you no matter what’ partner.If they don’t get it and think you might be just too lazy to pull yourself together, it won’t survive.  It’s a tragedy but it’s true some people can’t take watching indefinable mental suffering and feeling helpless, they abandon the ship.
 
@advantardeodus
What degree of stigma do you think there is around mental health in the UK/Internationally? What should the government be doing? #AskRuby

Changing laws so people with mental illness can’t be stigmatised. It should be illegal.
 
@advantardeodus
@Rubywax Hi. What are your opinions on Mind and Rethink? Thoughts about upcoming Psychedelic therapy? Best book recommendations? #AskRuby
 
We should kiss the helm of Mind and Rethink, without those charities there would be mayhem in the streets; they give advice and tell you how to get help….what’s not to like?
I always thought psychedelics were good for your health.  If you’re going to be out of your mind you might as well go for the real thing.
 
@dgtlghst
@Rubywax What do you do on those days where you don't feel like you can get out of bed? #AskRuby
 
I don’t get out of bed.
 
@wilkesy5
@Rubywax how does touring impact on your mental health? Do you find it more difficult to manage your depression on the road? #askruby
 
I love being on a train; my happiest moments are when I don’t have to give face time to anyone and be able to focus in on my writing as scenery whizzes by and once in awhile I see a cow – bliss.
 
@mikebythepond
@Rubywax #AskRuby can I come round to your's for egg and chips please? Don't mind oven readies

No, I don’t do chips; never have.  An egg I can make - I’m not completely useless.
 
 @davco72
#askruby  Love your book. What's your top tip to stop the brain running wild thinking about  scenarios that will never happen?
 
For me doing mindfulness is the control tower but everyone has to find their own means of curbing rumination, which is the devil and leads no where, only down.
 
@ScienceCaroline
@Rubywax #askruby Did (or do) you ever worry that achieving emotional control via mindfulness might take the edge off being funny? after all, seeing the world differently is part of what makes a person funny. Emotional calm = less funny??!
 
Mindfulness just cuts out the fat so I’m not thinking about my dry cleaning or buying another towel when I’m trying to write a funny line.  It gives you edge; doesn’t take it off.
 
@Lucymdancer
@Rubywax #askruby what do you think is the biggest misconception about the practice of #mindfulness and ur suggestion for overcoming it?
 
That you lose your edge and that your mind is supposed to empty and go blank. (It goes blank when you die that’s the only time)
 
@HollHox
@Rubywax What advice would u give fellow creatives who struggle when low & don't know how to keep going / see a future with it? #AskRuby

I can’t give advice, when you’re that low it only pisses you off when people say, “It will pass” but the truth is it will pass.
 
@akapeachie
@Rubywax I'd love some tips on how to apply mindfulness while busy looking after a toddler! #AskRuby
 
Read my next book out in January, “Mindfulness Guide For the Frazzled” it gives all that advice and more on just about everything. 
 

I'm writing this on the 24th of November. Tomorrow they announce the Budget for what gets what in the crazy world of government funding. I know Norman Lamb went to see George Osborne to reiterate how much mental illness is draining the economy. Talk money, that's the key to their hearts. I don't need to remind you that 70billion pounds are lost each year because of absenteeism at work from stress related illnesses. I can't get it in my head that politicians can't get it in their heads that most of our 21st Century woes are caused by mental illness; crime, addictions, disease, rape, suicide, domestic violence, child abuse is caused by something that is mentally misfiring in our brains. Probably the weather isn't caused by mental illness but then again there's global warning and we did that, so I might be wrong.
The expression 'mental health' is starting to get on my nerves it sounds too fluffy as if it means hygienic or nice and clean thinking. Dealing with terrorists is something I'm not a specialist in but had there been more research on the brain, maybe we'd understand human emotions better. If we had some better insights into how our minds work we might be better able to negotiate with terrorists rather than blasting them to oblivion. There will always be war until we understand the conflict in our own minds. We just keep projecting our own problems on the world. Just because we can't tolerate something doesn't mean we're right. A child can't tolerate things, we as adults should know better. To me, it's our inflexibility of thinking that defines someone as being mentally unhealthy or not. If we heal ourselves; we heal the ills of the world.
We also have to recognize our unconscious taste for violence that each one of us has got branded into our DNA and only when we've faced it can we learn to manage it. We shouldn't beat ourselves up about it, if it wasn't for our ability to go for the jugular we would be on the almost ran list of extinction. We need to acknowledge our dark forces. "Know thyself" before you judge the rest of the world should be emblazoned on tee shirts in every language throughout the globe if we ever want peace.
I'm sure money has to be spent on defence after what happened in Paris but if we don't heal those closer to home we'll wipe ourselves out by stress that we've put on our own shoulders. And if we are under such fear of attack imagine how high the heart attack and posttraumatic stress disorders are going to spike up? See what I mean when I say everything stems from mental illness? If we aren't conscious of not just going back to our baser roots of, "Eye for an Eye" school of thuggery, the terrorized will, as usual, turn into the terrorists.
Hurrah, today is November 25th (I obviously didn't send this in on the 24th) and the Budget has been announced. It seems they're going to give 600 million pounds toward mental health. Before I go out and ring the church bells I need to find out who's going to make sure it's spent correctly. And if all is Kosher than Hurrah!!! Hurrah!!! The UK is waking up to a new dawn and dealing with the real threat in the world; us.
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. See herSane New World show at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.