I'm bringing you a new show - based on my book of the same name. 

Unlike my previous shows, I'm bringing in a little bit of help in the second half - I will be joined on stage by the monk and neuroscientist who contributed to the book.  I plucked them from obscurity and am now throwing them into the lime light.  Since we’ve started rehearsing the show, they’ve become impossible. Both are brilliant but now it’s gone to their heads. The monk is completely out of control, he will only fly business class and is now the face of Lufthansa (I’m not kidding.)  The neuroscientist has become very vain and started using my mascara.  I found it in his dressing room.  The monk and neuroscientist keep asking why do I have more lines? Why am I out here first? I told them I’m their warm up. Don’t ever work with dogs, children, monks or neuroscientists is the lesson I’ve learnt. 

In the first half of the show I discuss what it is to be human. Many have tried to come up with the answer, but no one has - until me. Descartes attempted it with his theory, “I think therefore I am”, and everyone wore the t-shirt for a few years, but then it was found out he was wrong.  We aren’t our thoughts. Thank god because, if that was true, I’d be a shopping list: “Buy cat food, find car keys, exchange candle from White Company for a cheaper one…"  Endless, garbage ticker-taping through our minds. 

The good news is that we humans are way, way more than our thoughts.  Our thoughts aren’t even the tip of the iceberg because our brain is busy all the time, keeping us alive.  It deals with around 11 million bits of information every second. In our lifetimes, we grow about 5 and a half miles of hair, 6 miles of toenails, make 463 tons of urine and every other day, we replace about a trillion cells, which, if you lined them all up in single file, would be able to go back and forth to Jupiter 17 times. I may not be exact with these figures. But my point is that if you had to think about all these jobs, you’d never get out of the house.

If we are not our thoughts and we are not our emotions, what are we? I will, of course, explain it all to you in the show, but I don’t want to give it away now, otherwise why would you come and see us? 

I will share, however, that the main lesson of the show is that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. Where did we get the idea that we’re supposed to be perfect? The internet is the culprit for jacking up our envy and making us feel like losers compared to the rest of the world who are lying about how gorgeous and happy they are. Everyone, everywhere is flawed - it’s the human condition and we should rejoice in our fuck ups because we’re still a work in progress.  Just remember that we share 98% of our DNA with great apes, we share 27 % of our DNA with yeast, and 17% with a banana.  Get over yourself.

Something else that will make you feel better about being human is to embrace the fact that part of our brain is a leftover from the stone age.  That part doesn’t realize the wallpaper of the world has changed and time has moved on.  It remains dirt primitive so when we don’t get what we want, we go straight back to the old killer instincts. Basically, we’re part savage, part superior, and the sooner we accept that, the happier we’ll be.  We need to learn to forgive ourselves; to hug our inner ape.

When we make peace with ourselves than we can make peace in the world. If we change, the world changes.

Tickets for the new show are now on sale - book quick.  The book, How To Be Human: The Manual, is available online and from all good bookshops. 

If you want to join my community and be the first to know more about my research into the brain and mental health, as well as exclusive news, special offers and other things that might be useful to you, just tell me where to get in touch.

​I spent this week recording my show for Audible, “No Brainer.”  (It comes out in the fall).  There are twelve topics and last week we worked on pain.
 
I found myself at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford for an MRI brain scan.  Most people hate lying down in the tight-fitting, coffin-shaped thing that slowly glides into the scanner, but I love it. This is my happy place. Even the ear shattering honking noises don’t bother me; anything is an improvement on my mother’s shouting when I was in the womb. I bathed in the peace as my brain was photographed, slice by slice. They were looking for the areas which activate with pain. They put some gel on my leg (a liquid form of chili pepper) and told me to grade the pain from one to ten, ten being unbearable. At first, I felt nothing, smirking to myself how butch I was.  The smirk was wiped off my face when a minute later, I was at ten. I kept schtum because for some insane reason I didn’t want them to think I was a loser which is insane. There I was sweating, biting my lip and pretending I was perfectly fine. I’d be an excellent role model in Guantanamo Bay. You can’t hide your feelings when your brain’s being filmed because everyone can see your pain. Finally, I admitted I was about to faint so they removed the gel.  They then had me imagine the pain to see if just thinking about it activated the same area.  I’ll find out the results in two weeks, fingers crossed they don’t make me do it again. 
 
We then talked about the phenomenon of pain. The neurologist told me that it’s not the actual wound that hurts, it’s how the brain perceives it. She also told me that emotional and physical pain are found in the same brain region as each other. You can turn up and down the sensation of both depending on your beliefs. In general, they found that religious people feel less pain than the faithless.  This is the only time I have ever wished that I believed in Jesus.
 
Later in the day, I met with Vidyamaia Bursh who created a mindfulness technique for pain called Breathworks.  At sixteen she cracked her spine and had to have her discs welded together. Then at twenty-three she had a car accident and was bedridden for the next thirty years, paralyzed from the waist down which ended in a total breakdown.  One night the pain was so excruciating, she decided to kill herself in the morning. Then she had an epiphany and realised that she didn’t have to make it to the morning, she just had to deal with the pain for this moment, and then the next moment, and so on.
 
She came to see me in a wheelchair, still paralysed but now living in the moment, and says she focuses on the electrical shooting pain in her legs, so severe that her toes cramp. She said when she used to feel the agony, she’d try to suppress the feeling, holding her breath which made her mind and body rigid. Now, she’s learnt that if she breathes into the exact location and submits to the pain, she feels her body ‘soften’ and is able to live with it. It was astounding, there she was paralyzed from waist down but her eyes shone and her face glowed. Pain is pain but suffering is optional and she’s the living proof.
 
My Audible show will be available some time in 2018 - I will let you know when to keep an ear out. 

How To Be Human: The Manual is available online and from all good bookshops. I'm on tour this spring with my #Frazzled Show. Tickets are still available - book quick.

If you want to join my community and be the first to know more about my research into the brain and mental health, as well as exclusive news, special offers and other things that might be useful to you, just tell me where to get in touch.

I’m doing a show for Audible called “No Brainer” which has made me the happiest woman alive. First of all, it’s a podcast so I don’t have to look good or even get dressed if I choose not to. Usually, I’m dressed. I’ve just returned from touring the U.S. interviewing state-of-the-art scientists on longevity, stress, death (my fav so far) compassion, attention, nature/nurture, teen-agers etc. Scientists are my rock stars, I bow before their brains. I was completely in awe of Dr. Ann McKee, who first discovered why so many American footballers were dying prematurely or while still alive suddenly turning violent, becoming addicts or experiencing complete mental breakdowns. She showed me the brain of a ninety-year old with dementia alongside the brain of a thirty-year old NFL player.  The young brain was far more damaged; dotted with brown plaques throughout and dark decaying edges. 
 
Another doctor in New York, Helen S. Mayberg, was the first to use deep brain stimulation on depressed patients.  She stands next to a surgeon who drills through the skull (the patient is kept awake but doesn’t feel anything) and implants an electrical device. When they hit the correct target, she sometimes witnesses a patient’s face turn from deep, despair to bright and alert within seconds. One guy who hadn’t been able to leave his house for most of his adult life suddenly said he wanted to go out and walk his dog. It’s miraculous when it works.
 
I also met genius neurologist Dr. Allan Ropper, professor of Neurology at Harvard Medical School, who told me how he can tell which part of the brain is malfunctioning by observing the behavior of the patient. This guy is way cooler than “House.” But I really fell in love with him when he explained how you determine if someone is dead. There was a case where a woman was brain dead but she was still able to deliver a baby, and another where a young boy presumed dead went through puberty because his organs remained functioning.  Allan said he’s a stickler for making sure someone is well and truly dead before the transplant doctors, snatch those organs of the deceased away like vultures circling a corpse. In Victorian times, they used to put a bell in the coffin in case anyone was buried alive. Thank God for Dr. Ropper.
 
In Atlanta, I went to a breeding colony of 1800 monkeys where Dr. Mar Sanchez and her team took an aggressive, agitated baby monkey away from his equally aggressive mother and gave it to a nurturing mother. After a few weeks, the abused monkey became more pacified and this behavior was reflected in not only his genes but his off-spring’s genes. This ability to change gene expression is called epigenetics. I thought why didn’t they switch my mother with a calmer one? I’d never would have had to take the seventy tons of anti-depressants I’ve had to swallow so far.
 
I then flew to Silicon Valley and met David Eagleman (professor of neuroscience at Stanford, incredible looking and buff). He let me try on a suit called the Versatile Extra-Sensory Transducer, that he’s developed and is about to appear on the market. It has thirty-two embedded vibratory motors that send messages to the brain which are interpreted into sound so now the deaf will be able to, not so much hear in the way we do, but sense sound through their bodies. His future vision is to have data transmitted through the skin so you’ll be able to feel weather reports, stock market results and most important you’ll be able to ‘feel’ your emails rather than read them. That might kill me especially feeling spam.
 
My ultimate hero is Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA medical school. His books are the reason I got hooked on the brain.  He was the first person to describe the difference between the brain and the mind. He says, the mind is the energy and information the brain creates. I found his book, “Mindsight” so clear and exciting, I changed careers because nothing, I mean nothing in the Cosmos is as fascinating as the mind. Sorry Brian Cox but it’s true.
 
My Audible show will be available some time in 2018 - I will let you know when to keep an ear out. 

How To Be Human: The Manual is available online and from all good bookshops. I'm on tour this spring with my #Frazzled Show. Tickets are still available - book quick.

If you want to join my community and be the first to know more about my research into the brain and mental health, as well as exclusive news, special offers and other things that might be useful to you, just tell me where to get in touch.

 My book, “How To Be Human: The Manual” was released into the wild in Januarry. I was not going to let the baby slide out unnoticed.  I am one of the most pushy people I know and will go to almost any length, including door-to-door if required, to make a sale. I am my father’s daughter  - my father managed to make a living selling pig bladders (the outside of hot dogs) and if you can sell that, you can sell anything. For some of the book tour I did a three-way conversation with the monk, Thubten and the neuroscientist, Ash, both of whom contributed to the book.  Our first stop as a threesome was the Romanesque/Norman Ely cathedral, dating from 1081 with a sixty-six-metre-high ceiling.  It makes Notre Dame look like an outhouse. The hall was so long I needed a telescope to see the end. 
 
I thought the venue would intimidate them, I mean, performing live isn’t part of their remit - especially to 1,500 audience members. One fixes brains, the other fixes minds; show business doesn’t come into it. Anyway, they were hits, not nervous in the least: charming, smart, sometimes much funnier than me, but I forgave them because I love them and we were in a church and you can’t really hold a grudge in there.
 
When people asked how we met, I said ‘Tinder’ and Thubten said ‘Monker,’ an app to pick up monks.  I picked Thubten up the first time we met, asking him if he wanted to move into my house. My kids had just left home and I thought he would be a perfect replacement. Also his robes look fantastic with the cushions, he’s like a walking air freshener.
 
After most book events, I sign books. This time, Ash and Thubten got their own table for signing, I watched them like a proud mother watching her baby walk for the first time. They were naturals; smiling, chatting, over-excited with all the attention. For a moment, I panicked that they might turn into divas, demanding their own dressing rooms. It could happen, Thubten wanted to be an actor before he became a monk; he wasn’t born in a maroon nappy. I heard him say he only has a few robes but he might eventually expand his wardrobe. When I asked him what colours would he add? He said, “Fifty-seven shades of red.”  (He was joking – I think.) When I first met Thubten, aside from working for addicts, prisoners and kids, he did talks for Google, FaceTime, big multi-national banks, huge corporations etc. He’s not allowed to take money for himself; he takes donations to build retreats.  I asked him how much he charged the big companies? When he told me the pittance, I immediately taught him to negotiate. We’re thinking of calling our next book, “Act like a Buddha, Think Like a Jew.”
 
After Ely, I had to tour on my own. What amazed me was my book signing in Glasgow, where the men asked all the questions, usually it’s mostly women. Underneath that macho image (even though they like to wear skirts for formal occasions,) these men were incredibly honest about their vulnerability. One man sitting next to his wife said, “I came to the show because my wife brought me. I’m an extremely angry guy and have three kids.  My wife told me to try mindfulness which I thought was mumbo jumbo but it triggered something and I thought if Ruby does it… knowing your personality and I like your comedy, I’m able to admit, I’m suffering from depression and I realize that I had an anxiety attack a few years ago. I think that machismo was part of my upbringing. My dad was the type of guy who had to have his leg hanging off before he would go to a doctor. It’s difficult to admit that I can’t deal with my own issues. I’m now scheduled to speak to someone. What do you think?”
​
I told his wife how lucky she was to have such a great husband.  To be able to be that honest is the bravest man of all. 

How To Be Human: The Manual is available online and from all good bookshops. I'm on tour this spring with my #Frazzled Show. Tickets are still available - book quick.

If you want to join my community and be the first to know more about her research into mental health, as well as exclusive news, special offers and other things that might be useful to you, just tell me where to get in touch.

I interviewed Donald Trump about sixteen years ago.  He invited me to go with him to judge an emergency beauty contest in Atlantic City. It was crucial because there were so many succulent women hanging off the vines in that part of the world, they needed picking and who better to pick than world expert of womanhood (Donald Trump). He allowed me to film him for my show “Ruby’s American Pie” on BBC One.
 
He wanted to do the interview on his private jet because he didn’t have a lot of time to stand still so we agreed.  After waiting for him to have his makeup done (agent orange) we sat down and at about 33,000 feet he announced his candidacy to become the next President of the United States, I laughed heartily as he told us to shut off the camera.  After some persuasion he let us turn it on again. He told me if he became president he wouldn’t have to charge the country to buy another Air Force One jet because he already had one like it.  I said, trying to stay neutral, that I thought it would be easier to find women to date once he was actually in the White House (a fair point). He seemed irked. Eventually, because of my in-depth interview style he told me he had had enough of me, got up and locked himself in the cockpit. Eventually the plane landed, primarily, I thought, to get rid of us.
 
At that point he gave me a lift in his limo and the regret of my life is I didn’t have my sound equipment switched on or a camera. In the car he got down and dirty, trying to shock me by giving me detailed accounts of what he likes to do with his many many women. The one thing I am is unshockable - I was utterly revolted though.  Roger Stone (his political consultant) was in the car and laughed like a drain at Donald’s hilarious carnal tales.
 
 When my crew and I finally got to Atlantic City, via some of the most bizarre sights to be seen in the US (you can see this on the first half of the show), we hunted him down at the beauty contest in Atlantic City. There we watched him charm his people telling them dirty jokes. One is about someone who went to the toilet and didn’t wash his hands. I forget the punch line. I spent a lot of time with Roger Stone discussing how he gets his hair that way. 
 
Later, I met his future wife, Melania Trump super model/something and perhaps future First Lady.  She shared with me his incredible sexual mastery and when I asked if he puts his money where his mouth is, she gave me a big proud “yes” (class), try to eat your lunch again people.  The crowds also ate him up and I met some very excited women who were supporters of his future presidency. One elderly woman (has to be seen in this video because words fail me) with just a few missing teeth God bless her, somehow managed to get her hands on a million dollars to donate to Donald’s campaign. He gave her back a ring as thanks.
 
I beg you to watch this show and pass it to others to have a reality check on the potential next President of the United States. Then be scared, be very scared.  If you want to get to the Donald interview quicker, jump to around the second half of the show(about 12 minutes in); the beginning is just the introduction explaining why I was in the middle of nowhere as I had been thrown off his jet. Giving you the link to this program is all I can do now to try and save the world.  At least I can say I tried to do my patriotic duty.  If you have the right, please do your patriotic duty and vote on or before Tuesday.
 
Here is the interview in full: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM831KNZN74&feature=youtu.be    Please share it as far and wide as you can.  

High up in a room overlooking Paddington Basin, with hot coffee and Jammie Dodgers to hand, the doors opened yesterday on my first Frazzle Café, admitting 30 or so men and women who ranged from feeling frazzled (not just stressed but thinking about stress) to experiencing mental health concerns to having someone in the family or a friend or co-worker affected by depression and anxiety and simply not knowing what to do. Until now – none of them had anywhere they could just turn up and find some anonymous peer-to-peer support.
We live in a time where to have a life crammed to the hilt is considered a success story. But with all this pressure, so many of us have no-where to go to meet and talk about it.
So yesterday, it was remarkable to watch as one after another of these people bravely come forward to share their stories. Just calmly, sitting in a circle in the café, stating their case, and feeling validated as a result. Feeling heard to me has always been half the cure. 
It was everything I had hoped for and more when I came up with the idea for Frazzle cafes five years ago. Of fulfilling my dream to start walk-ins where people have a chance to talk honestly without feeling stigmatised self-indulgent or weak.
The idea came from my Sane New World Tour, which I began after gaining a Masters’ degree in cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness from Oxford in 2011, and writing a book of the same name. The second half of the show I asked the audience if they wanted to speak and they always did.
I performed for 200 shows in theatres of 700-800 capacity - and in the second half I offered the audience the chance to speak, and fond I couldn’t shut them up. Moreover, once a week when I was in the West End, I opened the theatre to the public for free walk in sessions with great speakers and therapists which the audience could make contact with.
Honestly, the show was funny, but I think they would have come without any jokes.  They were instinctively reaching out and networking with each other, often turning up to several shows and events and meeting again.
I could feel and see a real need for some kind of space where anyone with a mental health concern could connect with this peer-to -peer support. In my head, it was looking more and more like a sort of AA to help us get through the overwhelming stresses of modern life.
This isn’t just for the one in four Britons who will suffer a mental illness at some point in their lives, or who are family to someone who does, or who work in mental healthcare. But for the ‘four in four’ - who feel they are cracking from the pressure cooker of life. Too exhausted keeping up the front of being fine – and feeling frustrated with that.
Because who isn’t in  a state of stress overload these days? Stress upon stress, and thinking about stress on top of that. So as I was also writing my mindfulness book called Frazzled, the name for the cafes was pretty self-evident. It is also so much easier to say I feel frazzled, than to say I feel depressed, or anxious, or mentally ill, all of which are still such stigmatised things.  
Ending the taboo around mental health is all important. Because right now, if you do feel your mental health isn’t great, you may worry about telling your employers or friends, especially if you are saying I need to go for therapy for an hour.  You may fear getting judged and sometimes with good reason – according to Mind on in five of those who have taken their employer into their confidence about their problems with mental health is soon fired or pushed out of their jobs.
But, trust me, if you can’t ever get to a place where you can express yourself to others, well, that way madness really does lie. Everyone – however stiff their upper lip happens to be - gets what you mean if you say I feel frazzled and I need a break.
I see the benefit of these Frazzle cafes is that whenever we’re all a little bit more open about mental health that lessens the overall prejudice.
That was true yesterday as we opened the doors at  the Frazzle café in Paddington – where the two sessions we held were a pilot scheme. Strangers who had applied via a mailing list, compiled from audiences who came to my shows, opened up about themselves quite quickly, responding to the warm, positive and safe atmosphere. This common thread of feeling isolated can be pretty powerful in uniting people. That experience of meeting face to face is important and with our mental health services stretched to breaking point and it can be hard to see a therapist on the NHS. Many people simply don’t believe they can go to talk, to get affordable help.
Meanwhile, everyone else – the frazzled at large – are often separated from family and the old connections of church, we’re emotionally blocked off and in real danger of  stress wiping us out.
My hope is that these cafes, if they take off,  will be one solution.  It’s still early days – we need to work out branding, marketing and organisation details, but Marks & Spencer has already generously offered places to host meetings. They’re suggesting quiet rooms with coffee on a trolley, by the way, not the middle of a crowded café on the shop floor, which would feel a little exposed, let’s be honest.
Each meeting will be led by a facilitator, to ignite conversation, there’ll be a loose order – a little mindfulness to start and end the meeting, a coffee break in the middle. And there’ll be someone who works in the mental health field always present for support, and lots of contact details for support groups to hand. 
I hope people to leave feeling they are part of something bigger than themselves.
Certainly yesterday’s clientele was enthusiastic, with many talking about how they wanted to wanting to help set up cafes close to their homes, in schools and at the office. At first, I imagine each group will feel fairly random in terms of what elements of health are discussed, but I can envisage more niche groups getting established, like teens taking exams, or families where depression is present.  Thirty feels the right size for now – it is possible to sit back a little in a group that size if you are worried about feeling exposed. But smaller groups might naturally emerge. I can see buddy systems developing too.
In 200 shows with 700 people in the audience each time, we’ve never had an awkward or uncomfortable incident so far. People really listened to each other because they recognised their own tribe and only want to give support.
This is my chance to give back. And yesterday’s meeting turned out just as I thought it would. When I led the mindfulness session at the end, I could feel we’d let the heat out of the pressure cooker for some. Because, while there many not be a single solution to the stress of modern life, to be able to look each other in the eye and say, yes, I know how you feel and its OK is at least a start.

First published in the Telegraph 17 May 2016

To find out more about the Frazzled Cafes and receive information about future sessions, sign up here

Thank you all for your #AskRuby questions - fascinating as always.  You can ask me anything with #AskRuby over on twitter. 

Elaine Clancy @elainecclancy
@Rubywax #AskRuby which book should I start with first Sane New World or mindfulness guide for the Frazzled, in your opinion?
 
If you want to know why you’d need Mindfulness get Sane New World. If you want to learn how to do mindfulness (my much easier to use in everyday life version) go to Frazzled. I’d say get both and cut between the two continuously until you’re finished, then I’ll write you another book.
 

Jenny Horscraft @TrulyMadlyJenny
@Rubywax #askruby How do you stop yourself constantly worrying about things you can't do anything about? X
​
Worrying always means you can’t do anything about something - otherwise you wouldn’t worry. If you recognize this simple truth then start to listen to the worrying as you would a familiar but irritating sound track – eventually you lose interest.


Harry Callahan @siakker
#AskRuby it's hard keeping good routines on bad days but at least I have dark cloud reminding me why needed. On good days I forget. Any tips

If you have a good day, bring out the champagne, blow up the balloons and celebrate. You’re lucky to have one day with no clouds.


Youcanrecover @Youcanrecovere
@Rubywax #AskRuby I've had depression for 5 years and im suffering with bulimia too. trying so hard to not give up. Does it get better?  😢

I have to acknowledge the depressed elephant in the room by asking if you’re on medication? If the depression is on-going, why aren’t you?  If you had any other disease would you allow yourself to suffer?  No, you would not.  If you’re on a medication and its not working, change it, there are hundreds.  Yes, I promise it gets better.


Lori C @Lori6283
@Rubywax Does Mindfulness really help depression? I just cannot motivate myself to look into it. And where do I start? 😞 #AskRuby

Research shows that those who’ve had depression for more than three or more episodes, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy yields a 60 per cent chance of preventing relapse. To learn how to do it, listen to Headspace you don’t even have to leave your bed, just switch it on and listen.
 

Sally Brantley @Sally4x
@Rubywax #AskRuby where is the best place to start with Mindfulness?

On  YouTube listen to Mark Williams, my professor at Oxford, co-founder of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and a genius.  No one makes it clearer, not even me.
 

Abdullah Alsarraf @aboodsarraf
@Rubywax do you have any background on Depersonlization? #AskRuby
No.  I’m just a small person I can’t know everything about everything.
 

Tiffany Louise Clark @tifflouclark
@Rubywax #AskRuby my anxiety is from regretting wrongly spent (being unhappy/not achieved) time that can't get back,how can I remedy this?TY

It’s not just your problem, it’s a hard, cold fact; none of us cant get time back.  It might make you feel better to know we all suffer from knowing it.


Nadia Jean Flynn @nadiaflynn80
@Rubywax #AskRuby how do I stop perfectionism & be patient with myself/life? Have a broken heart ATM

Imagine if your best friend told you that she was heartbroken, how would you respond?  I’m sure you’d be patient and compassionate. Just turn that on yourself. 
 

smithy @GailaSmith
@Rubywax when are u back on TV! #askruby

When someone asks me to go back. But in the meantime I’m ‘live’ on stage in “Frazzled” – waaaay more fun.  I can see the whites of people’s eyes.


Suzi ♫ @MessMakerPro
#AskRuby How did you manage to move to England?  Can I defect to England if Trump becomes President?

Don’t wait, get on a plane now, the end is nigh and you’ll be crushed by the hoards trying to exit when he wins.
 

Charlotte Foxon @Charlotte_Foxon
@Rubywax Would you ever do another run of 'Ruby Wax Meets...'? I adored that show, had to dig out the Trump one the other day! #AskRuby

If I’m paid well, I’d do almost anything but I will not meet Trump ever again. Even if we’re talking millions, I’d rather cut out my tongue.


Nicky @winklesbird 
@Rubywax how can I shut up my negative internal monologue!  #AskRuby

If you run from the monster, it will chase you. If you face it, it will run away. We all have that yabbering critic in our heads berating us through a bullhorn, so you’re not alone.  Try mindfulness you learn to live with it; not obey it or believe it – then it loses its hold on you. 


Mediathirsty @Mediathirsty
@Rubywax #AskRuby How would you use your own personal forcefield? #myownforcefield

As in “Star Wars”? I wasn’t aware I had one.
 

 Hàna Swann @hanaswaan
@Rubywax #AskRuby What do u think of  Mindfulness Meditation as a Buddhist Practice??

 It is a Buddhist practice, mindfulness is just more Western so you don’t have to sit in lotus position with your legs in a bow or clean up your act so you don’t come back in your next life as a cricket.  Meditation happened to have the best results as far as reducing stress, which is made evident in a brain scanner. So thank you Buddhists.


Matthew Sinclair @mtthwsnclr
In your workshops @Rubywax, what's the biggest misconception about #mentalhealth you hear from managers? #AskRuby  

Managers sometimes just throw up their arms and say it’s not their problem, they don’t know how to deal with it.  It is their problem because if anyone in their team goes under, it’s a reflection on their competence.


Emma @emmac007
@Rubywax #askruby when you are not feeling great what song makes you feel a bit better

‘Creep’ by Radiohead; it’s my anthem.  It’s so heart splittingly beautiful. I identify with the agony of feeling like a freak.
 

sarah drew jones @sdj19
@Rubywax Will Hillary Clinton get your vote this November? And please sum up #Trump in three words. #AskRuby

Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!
 

not him a Glen! @glenpk2
Was the Omen your first acting job? #AskRuby @Rubywax

Yes and I was fantastic as someone who had one line.
 

Tom Urie @mrtomurie
@Rubywax #AskRuby  who would play you in a movie of your life?

Carrie Fisher
 

John Bradley @flypie
@Rubywax Where did it all go wrong? #AskRuby

That’s the question I ask almost every hour and have up with no answer.
 

Kevin G @eatwasps
@Rubywax are you involved with the #abfabmovie? #askruby

Yes I wrote some of the lines - what more is there to give?

Thank you all so much for your questions on twitter - it's good to talk.  

You can always send me your questions to me @rubywax with #AskRuby


@olivia_nathan
@Rubywax #askruby what do you believe to be the biggest misconception/stigma surrounding mental health today?
That it’s our imagination. That if we could just ‘perk up’ or ‘pull ourselves together’ or ‘pull our finger out’ (that’s a good one.  A finger out of what?) we’d be perfectly fine.  If any other organ went down you’d get sympathy cards, but not the brain.
 
@maidenmum
@Rubywax Do you have any specific advice/tips/ mindfulness excercises for the extreme emotions and anxiety in menopause. Thank you.#AskRuby
Try and focus on the exact area you’ve got physical sensations in your body. This pulls your focus from thinking about how anxious you are which only makes you more anxious. Rumination about why you’re anxious doubles the agony.
 
@StudentMindsOrg
@Rubywax #AskRuby - do you have any tips for university students dealing with depression?
Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHIR3UVIoNU&feature=youtu.be
Get to a doctor - you can’t cope with depression on your own and if you get a bad feeling about him get to another doctor. Use your gut instinct but get help.  Don’t try and sweat it out.
 
@EloiseAStark
@Rubywax #AskRuby What would you do if you noticed a friend seemed depressed or withdrawn?
 Ask if they want help if they want, if they do get them help, if they tell you to piss off there’s nothing you can do but keep your eye on them and keep your compassion pumping.
 
 
@JPGSheedy
@Rubywax Do you think the 1 in 4 stat has at times alienated those of us with severe conditions by diminishing it as common place? #AskRuby
No
 
 
@LivveyKirtley
.@Rubywax Is there anything specific you think researchers can do to help #endstigma? #AskRuby
 As soon as researchers discover what’s malfunctioning in the brain the faster it will be for us to say, “Look there it is as clear as a tumour so now shut up and don’t you dare try and fire me at work or give me a hard time or I’ll sue you.”
 
@annaros93001241
#AskRuby Hi Ruby, I love your books!! My boyfriend has depression, what can I do to help him when he's down?
 If he really has depression rather than a bad, sad mood get him to a doctor but make sure the doctor’s qualified in psychiatry.  You obviously care about him by asking the question; he’s lucky to have you.
 
@strangelymillsy
#AskRuby how would you advise someone in asking for support from their work when they are dealing with depression?
There must be someone in HR who deals with that situation. If not, why not? If you feel your job might be in jeopardy, call Sane and speak to someone who can advise you on your legal rights.   Sane.org.uk
 
@SaskiaIseard
@Rubywax is it possible to practise mindfulness during a busy commute & how? Going to your show tomorrow, looking forward to it! #AskRuby
I practice it on the tube or in a queue when it’s not moving or on holding on the phone to music that could drive you more mental than you are. Just for a minute focus on the sound of the train or the taste of coffee.  In that minute you take the focus from the thoughts to your sense where there is only sensation no nagging.
If you read my book “Frazzled,” I give suggestions on how you can wedge it into a busy day. Everyone has a at least a minute in their day when they’re not doing something or else we’d all be institutionalized.
 
@kcb1
@Rubywax #AskRuby I have read ur book and want to practice mindfulness but get caught up in daily life. Any advice how to change this?
 Daily life is exactly when you could practice mindfulness. We don’t have anything else but our daily lives.  If you notice you’re autopilot when you want to be present for something, mindfulness helps you pull into that gear.  Use it or your life could just pass as a blur.
 
 @gem82running
@Rubywax do you think mental illness is compatible with a stressful job or is it asking for trouble?Thx for the walk in,it was fab #AskRuby
Mental illness has nothing to do with a job, it’s a disease, not caused by stress. People work so hard and long they can burn out but that’s different than mental illness. You can have it even if you’ve never lifted a finger; even if you’re living on an island with room service it still hits 1 in 4. That should make you feel better.
 
@KiddGraeme
@Rubywax where's your favourite venue/place to perform comedy? #AskRuby
I know this might sound weird but I love performing in mental institutions. It feels like I’m with my people, I’m safe because they know they’re of my tribe. They laugh even when something’s not funny. I’m so grateful.
 
@graeme123s
@Rubywax #askruby Please explain about your mum vacuuming with her teeth - How/Why? Just finished Frazzled - loved it!
That was a joke. She vacuumed with her nostrils.
 
@leesapollo
@Rubywax #AskRuby I worry about fitting daily mindfulness in. I'm managing the 10mins each morning but wondered how long u spend each day?
10 minutes is a great achievement - most people can’t do a second. I spend about 10 minutes scattered throughout the day, even in the bathroom.
 
 @StevePersonally
@Rubywax number one recommendation for me supporting a bipolar lady (doing pretty ok) #askruby
Stand by her through her highs and lows - which there will be a great number of, so hold onto your hat.
 
@rachredgate
@Rubywax How did you first come across mindfulness? #AskRuby
I read that it has the best results for preventing relapse of depression so I dove in that pool.
 
@Dream_on_Alex
@Rubywax  can I use mindfulness to help me have a deeper sleep? #AskRuby
Yes, it stops the ruminating and that’s what keeps you up; those thoughts churning over and over again and the bitch is that there will never be an answer however much you churn. Mindfulness helps you cool it on the churning
 
@coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby and are you planning to tour with Frazzled?
Yes - I’ll be touring the UK starting in April.  I’ll give you dates on rubywax.net/tour next week.
 
Karen Cox @coxiegirl
@Rubywax #AskRuby how can i get my kids to practice mindfulness regularly?
Good luck getting them to practice even once. Most kids will rebel whatever you tell them. I know my kids think I’m an atrocity of nature.  Just do it yourself and they’ll pick up that you’re being calmer in the storms and may even ask you what you’re doing to get there.
 
@slabss
@Rubywax can one practice mindfulness without meditation? #AskRuby
It is meditation but without the Buddhist thing going on you don’t have to wear a robe or sit on a gulten free cushion.  Yes, you got it.
 
@flyingkipper
@Rubywax What is the most helpful piece of advice you could give someone with #depression? #AskRuby #mentalhealth #mentalillness
Get to a doctor who can give you the right medication and later add some CBT when you feel better.  If you’re really down, just give yourself a break and wait for the demon to leave.
 
@jeanjobling
#AskRuby how can I quieten the mind at night to help sleep?
Do mindfulness if you can or just distract yourself; read something really boring or focus anywhere you can but on your thoughts. They are the great preventer of sleep.
 
@screemer75
@Rubywax did you experience physical symptoms when first practising meditation #askruby
No just the mental agony of looking in on my thoughts which is part of the process. If you don’t know what’s going on in there, you’re at the mercy of it.
 
@susank2
#AskRuby top tips to maintain serenity when presenting to 120 colleagues at conference when brain sending "fight or flight" message to body!
Focus on breathing or the feel of your feet where they contact the ground.  If you focus on a physical sense, the thoughts cool down from the horrors of what might happen which isn’t going to help the situation – ever.  It’s the only way to deal with scariness as far as I’ve seen.
 

Alan Rickman died two weeks ago and I am broken, as is everyone else who knew him. I just wanted to share a few more words about him.

I first saw Alan in 1976 at the Edinburgh Festival. I was with a friend of his, who pointed him out saying casually "Do you want to meet Alan Rickman?". I don't remember much, but I stared and turned into my 13 year old self: teeth protruding, hunched back, "Oh hi Alan do you have curly hair on purpose?". He said something about it being for a play but I wasn't listening; he was gorgeous and I had my first whiff of what charisma looks like up close. I was determined from that point, even though it was a rocky start, to make him my friend against all odds. It didn't start out well. He was looking at me with slight disgust - as he did throughout our 38 years together.

This could have been a one-night stand but for some bolt of destiny. We were brought together again. I followed him into Sheffield Rep. They were doing a production of As You Like It. I played a wench called Audrey, and Alan was Jacques.

Playing Audrey, it was easier to watch Alan each night and move in like a parasite after the shows to suck out his friendship. He was magnificent, I stood there gormless - luckily I could say it was part of my character. Each night I had the privilege of hearing his magnificent tones speak Shakespeare. I didn't know it was supposed to make sense or rhyme. Who knew?

I think I finally won his heart one night, when in an Indian restaurant they were playing sitar music...loudly. I called over the waiter and asked why should we listen to that when we could just kick a cat? Alan was amused and from then on I knew my mission was to make him laugh, my only trump card.

After Sheffield, I knew he was going to the RSC and I knew I needed to follow him, so I wrote a note to Joyce Nettles, the casting director. I knew they were doing As You Like It so I wrote to Joyce to ask that if the girl playing Phoebe died could I take over? She said she didn't think that would happen but did I want to audition? I did an audition, no one will forget and I don't think it meant good. I don't recall getting an acceptance letter but I just showed up with my makeup box and, to Alan's surprise, I was there on stage with him again. It didn't matter I was playing a dog and a rubbish bag (small parts in this production of The Tempest). 

I convinced Alan to share a house with me while in Stratford and to this day I do not know how. We called our home Shakespeare's Sauna because the rooms were decorated in pine wood and aluminium foil. I'd bring American tourists there telling them it was indeed where Shakespeare had his spa treatments until Alan put a stop to it. At some point we bought a tortoise and called it Betty which made us the official parents. For our amusement, we used to feed her peanut butter to watch her try to chew with no teeth. We'd invite other people over to watch. Please don't tell anyone this. I remember once Alan and I were walking to the theatre and ran into Peter Brooke who was about to direct Antony and Cleopatra. I mentioned to Peter that I'd like to put Betty up for the part of the snake and that she would play nude. Alan turned away and pretended to study a wall close up. Juliet Stevenson ended up getting Betty's part.

Then came him playing Valmont in Les Liasons Dangereuses from Stratford to Broadway and he became a rock star. Lindsay Duncan said that after the show most of the audience wanted to have sex, most of them with Alan Rickman.

And, I don't have to go on about Snape - a cult figure. When I used to tell people I knew Snape in real life, which I often did, they would lie prostrate before me. Also, I got reservations in many a restaurant.

No matter who he played, in real life, no one was more generous. I don't know how many people he supported emotionally and to all his friends who asked for it , he advised advised advised and was always right... A silent investor in people. He certainly did with my kids.

I'm not going to say goodbye because he's in all his friends and family - right there just under our skin we hear him, see him and love him more than life itself.
______
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - is out now and available in all good bookshops, as well as online. Be the first to find out more here.
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Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London until Feb 13 2016. She is also holding walk-in sessions on 5 and 10 Februar