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#AskRuby 5 June 2014

5/6/2014

4 Comments

 
Here are the answers to the latest #AskRuby in full.  You can send me questions to answer on twitter by tweeting @RubyWax and using #AskRuby

1. @McArevey We have/have had countless diet shows & Embarrassing Bodies clinics on TV. Where are the programmes looking at mental health?

@Rubywax It’s all about what’s in fashion and viewing figures. Obviously body mutations and over ‘cellulited’ people (want to be pc) are in and we are out.  When they run out of physical atrocities then maybe our day will come.

2.@WTarps:  I'm bipolar and been well on meds for 10 years.  Should I still put MH disability down on job apps in case I ever relapse?

@Rubywax Once you’ve said you’re bi-polar on your CV you can’t take it off again.   If you get caught lying they will burn you at the stake and take away your insurance

3. @mariloubluebell why do you think that you are so driven?

@Rubywax  I was raised by immigrants who were always fleeing from one place or another. I’m sure that’s why I’m driven; to stop moving forward means annihilation

4. @BobFlowerpot how do you forgive, and what does that mean? #AskRuby

@Rubywax You forgive by letting go of the hatred and the continuous story in your head that justifies it. However hard it is to forgive, it’s easier than carrying that weight.

5. @sianysianp Thanks for Hay, I worry that CBT is being used as some miracle fix within my local area - have you seen this happening? #AskRuby

@Rubywax Nothing works for everything and there is no miracle but at least there’s something other then GP’s tossing drugs at anyone who has a bad day willy-nill.  At least now you get a human face to talk to and talking plus medication really is the cure. Maybe someday you can get other therapies but one step at a time.

6. @JPeacock101  are you coming birmingham on your tour next year ;o)

@Rubywax You can see all my tour dates here http://www.rubywax.net/tour.html
4 Comments

Adventures on the Road

9/5/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture
I'm still on tour with my show "Sane New World" where I've zigzagged across and up and down the UK and Ireland and Wales and have never been happier, in spite of the four hour train journeys between 'gigs.' (Not a word I've used much having not been a rock star). Part of the joy is that I stay in the most bizarre hotels; one had a wooden stage coach as a wine bar in my room and a white linen dining table set for two with numerous wine glasses even though it was only me staying in there. In another town I found myself in some 'frozen in time' 50's café. I overheard the waitress say that there was going to be a 50th birthday party for a gypsy that evening. Of course, I had to invite myself and after the show I had a night with them all, a family of 200 gypsies living in a camp together; some in caravans, some in log cabins, all dressed to the max. The party took place in a ballroom-sized log cabin with a country and western theme, photos of bucking broncos and cowboys on the walls. Their kids were all on a bouncy castle somersaulting into the early morning. The women were dressed for "Come Dancing" with hair up to the ceiling, all vying to read my palm. The men, tattooed up the wazoo, the size of bulldozers, stood around looking tough which wasn't hard as they were known for their bare knuckle fighting.

In Buxton, I found myself in a park with a professional falconer with his band of birds. He took a shine to me and put a half a frozen rat on my head so his falcon could land on my hair as it swooped down from a tree. I was not prepared for the claws in my scalp with the half eaten dead rat. I then bought a pirate ship about six feet long thinking I got a bargain for only £125 and it was probably worth thousands. I carried it on the train - changing at two stations - only to be told by my friends it was hideous and looked like it cost 80 pound.

Besides the mingling with the wonderful and weird, I love doing the show; all the theatres are tiered like wedding cakes and the audiences are smart and quick to get what I'm talking about. It's such a great feeling to be onstage and not feel the usual desperation to get a laugh.

This show is a joy to do, I think because I'm not focusing on myself but talking about something I'm passionate about and obsessed with; the brain. It's based on my book Sane New World where I've stolen the research from some of my heroes in neuroscience and spun it in comedy (so they won't sue me for plagiarism). It seems wherever I perform people want to know about how this mysterious thing on top of their necks works; after all, it's who they are. I think people are becoming more curious as to why they do what they do and why they live the way they live. It's because we're being dragged to death by a life of busy-ness and we live our lives with no brakes, only breakdowns. To 'know thyself' is coming back into fashion. I guess we're also starting to realize that no matter how much money you make, how famous you are or how powerful, if you aren't awake at the wheel or spend your life trying to achieve some goal without even enjoying it; you have nothing.

I love talking about the fact that technologically we're at the top of our games but as far as knowing how our brains work, we're in the dark ages. It's like we have this Ferrari on top of our head but no one gave us the keys. It's amazing to me this information isn't shouted from the rooftops and on every headline of all newspapers, which is that our minds are malleable, like play-dough we can intentionally change the structure and therefore the way we think and behave. We can unwire neurons and rewire new ones to break our old habits of thinking and create new ones that might give us a more flexible outlook and dare I say, happier life. And this is called neuroplasticity. Gloria Gaynor was wrong when she sang, "I am what I am." We aren't what we are, we have many possibilities so she's going to have to change those lyrics but it's going to be hard because not much rhymes with neuroplasticity. This gives me so much hope and I hope that spreads to the audience.




2 Comments

Pay Attention

24/4/2014

0 Comments

 
Attention is like a spotlight and what it illuminates streams into your mind, so developing control over it is the most powerful way to shape your brain.

I can hear you say, ‘What’s with attention? I pay it when I cross the street.’ No, for most of us, we are there physically but our attention could be in Sri Lanka. We don’t naturally pay attention, we have to learn it (a glitch in evolutionary development). The tragedy of most of our lives is that we’re asleep at the wheel and no one tells us how to wake up. They say to kids at school, ‘Pay attention’. How would they know how to do that? No one teaches them.

Scientists now have the technology to be able to trace what people’s eyes focus on when they scan a room. Who or what an individual seeks out is based on genes, chemicals, culture, relationships and experience. What your eyes fasten onto is where your mind is in any one moment. Some people enter a room and zoom in on a daddy figure (nice but not sexy) or a sugar daddy (same, but with expensive shoes).

We become the character we are at any particular moment depending on what we focus on. On the golf course, swinging the club, you’re a sportswoman. In bed in your nightie, you might be a sex kitten. With your kids you may be Mother Goose. (God help you if you ever get these roles confused.) These identities are all transitory; they come and go depending on which metaphorical clothes you wear and for what occasion.

The skill required to tame your mind is to be able to inhibit your attention on certain things and intentionally take your focus to others. This is self-regulation, becoming the captain of the ship, steering your attention where you want it to be. An expert at self-regulation would be able to stay calm even in the face of my mother during one of her episodes.  Mindfulness helps me tame the thoughts that flutter around my brain like moths on cocaine. 

Originally published by the Bishopsgate Institute, where I'll be talking on 9th May as part of the Troublemakers?  series.

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Being Busy: The Pros and Cons

9/4/2014

3 Comments

 
I'm touring my show "Sane New World" at the moment, zig-zagging the country and it's fantastic that people are now speaking out, especially men - about how hard they're finding it to stay sane.

All of our lives are consumed with incessant busyness. When did this obsession with being busy to the point of madness start? It's become like a plague spreading among us; a virus.

What's bizarre is the very thing driving us crazy is the thing we ask each other to find out how well we're doing. And the more busy you are, the more successful your life is. People ask me "Are you busy?" I say, "Are you kidding? I'm so busy I've had two heart attacks." They think that's fantastic.

There's such shame now if you're not keeping up with the next guy. I read about women who work 47 hours a day, have 13 children, know how to make a cupcake and jog at 3am in the morning. Am I meant to feel guilty? These women should be exterminated - not held up as role models.

When are we going to say like they did in the film Network? "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

We blame the world for making us such a mess. We say it's because of global warming or the economy or whoever happens to be the enemy; they change ever half an hour I can't tell anymore but the conflict is in our minds and we project it onto the world.

It's like we've declared a war in our own brains against ourselves. Let's start to de-clutter our minds - and then we can worry about what's out there.

3 Comments

How Do We Find Quiet in a Busy Digital World?

19/3/2014

0 Comments

 
I remember doing my last tour, Out of Her Mind, a comedy partially about mental illness. Don't worry, I toured it for two years in mental institutions and made sure I got the inmates' 'seal of approval'; these were my people, my tribe, they knew I never spoke down to them and if you can make a schizophrenic laugh, you're a hit.

I usually got to stay overnight and hang out in the smoking room where you hear the greatest conversations on earth - no bullshit in there. In the second half of the show there would be a discussion and they asked fantastic questions like, "How do you get rid of a poltergeist in your radiator?"

After two years, the show went to 'normal theatres' whatever that means, all over the world and we would also have discussions. Most people wanted to know how to break the stigma. I'd usually suggest that we should learn from the gay movement. In my lifetime they went from pariahs to goddesses.

Perhaps we should do mental illness pride parades; borrow their old boas and high heels, (they must be in storage somewhere) and march to Parliament demanding the laws be changed as far as discrimination. Unless people 'come out,' nothing is going to change.

I remember an audience member, a very butch guy from Newcastle, stood up in the balcony and confessed that he'd been on anti-depressants for ten years and never told his wife. She was sitting next to him.

Then another guy in the audience said, "What's with you Americans always going on about your depression? I'm from Norway, why don't you do what we do?" I said, "What's that?" He said, "We jump off cliffs."

Now in my new show, Sane New World which is for everyone, not just the mentally ill but all of us, I'm getting a lot of questions on how to deal with the digital viagra we're all addicted to (I'm even answering spam these days) - especially, how do we help our kids manage this? How do we deal with all this in-coming bombardment of everything from fashion tips to terrorists? I say all this is here already, we created it, now how do we deal with ourselves as individuals? How do we find our own repose amongst it all, that's the question we need to answer first - and then we can pass it on to our kids.

0 Comments
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