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Fear of being crazy

19/6/2013

6 Comments

 
I recently created a Twitter contest challenging people to write in the craziest thing they’ve ever done to win some of my books.  This is a question I ask almost everyone at some point in our relationship as I wonder, what could be more interesting?  Maybe I say this because I’m crazy but I can’t imagine a better conversation opener.  Some people sent in fantastic replies, here are some examples:

A co worker asked me to guess what veg he grew in his garden i lost it and that was my last day I worked

After recovering from a manic episode, I met a guy in Bangladesh, got married 3 days later. Will be 10yrs together!


These kind of answers make me want to go out, hunt them down and drag them back to my house for a dinner party.

 Other people had an interesting response, that they were too afraid of exposing this information in case anyone at their work found out and they might be dismissed.

I didn’t say it had to be crazy as in mentally ill –‘setting the neighbourhood on fire’. It could have been funny crazy as in – ‘when I was ten I put sardines in all the lighting fixtures at school so they had to evacuate the building.’ (This is a true story of something I did to get out of taking a test). It’s so revealing that as far as ‘acting crazy’ is concerned, we still live in a climate of fear not a million miles from the old days when they burnt you at the stake for being weird (See witch).  I’m not encouraging anyone to ‘come out’ because the laws are against us.  22% of employees felt they were dismissed because of mental illness so this isn’t our imagination.  They ask on some job applications if you’ve ever suffered from mental illness and to be honest if I was looking for work I’d check the ‘no’ box because I’ve got mouths to feed.  So this is where we are, but hopefully if people start talking and meeting and eventually being brave enough to come out, the laws will have to change as they did with the Gay Movement. But how revealing it is to see how many of us still hunker in fear of being found out.

6 Comments
esther link
19/6/2013 09:30:05 am

As an ex sufferer or deep depression, despair and much trauma in life, I've set up a free website to help people. Not published yet but already taking emails. I'm qualified to help and love you very much. Help me help others by sharing the website. U can have your own page on it too. Blessings and light to you, also with love xxxx

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Rachel Blake
19/6/2013 07:35:26 pm

Sadly the feeling of the need to neglect to mention my MH status , has so far concluded with me trying for too long to manage in the workplace, not nipping episodes in the bud but carry on util it becomes major breakdown, unable to work and have lost jobs. Trying to get well, sort benefits, pay bills , give something in close relationships ...again and again,, makes it harder to recover and people do not give you the same support as they do with a physical illness , a place I worked at for 10yrs , thought I was reasonably well regarded, always received positive appraisals, got promoted etc, when I became ill got not so much as a get well card ... you feel like a 3rd class citizen and that is not just from a place of low self esteem but how you get treated... Next time I work or try for a job I will be honest but know this along with being 50 and female means it will be hard so and this is equally crazy and the most sensible thing I have done is looking at ways that I can be my very own understanding, fair and sensible boss and do tell any who are interested about my 'crazy' condition... I am out and proud !!

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Toni Lynn Szwarek Quinnell link
20/6/2013 02:24:05 am

Friends! I am getting acquainted with Ms. Wax' teachings and books, and this sort of chat! I already feel a weight lifted off of me - thank you! May I share? I'm Toni, an only child born in Evanston, Illinois (Chicago) USA in1960 and I'm on my way to the UK (from Florida) to live. I've been mental since the day I graduated High School, I think. My mother was a beautiful looking Irish-American rage-aholic image-obsessed sugar addict, who dropped dead fairly young of a heart attack, my father a German-American scary guy who was good-looking, has money, constantly cheated on mom and married the last 'one' (my grandmother would roll over). I had everything growing up, but mom took her rage out on me. Being an only child made it harder on me in so many ways. In her defense, mental illness wasn't spoken of in those days, also the dangers of sugar, etc., so WHO KNEW? I grew up in a cuIturally Jewish neighborhood, the only kid with Christmas lights on the house. I mention that because it does take a village to raise a child, and I was the gentile kid of the village. I think it's hilarious now! I have always turned to my gift of music for respite, and to writing. It was customary in my locale to go onto higher education and after 12 years of music lessons, I was "to be" a music teacher. I went to uni for 4 days and quit; I was vomiting in every toilet in the school, and there was no awareness of panic disorder in 1978. I have always hated traditional school. I got a non-musical job, which was a let down to myself or so I thought. I took my school books out with me each morning to fool my parents but went to work. It was back then that I began having obsessive thoughts. ALL DAY the inner voice would say "This was going to be life. I love music. I don't know how to get into any area of it without school, which I hate. I'll retire here and die." I got over THAT feeling and went onto anxiety-related depression and low self-esteem issues. In the '80's, I worked for doctors. Because I'm funny and always singing, they would tell me that I was the most "undepressed person I've ever seen!" It was like pulling teeth to get them to understand that something was wrong. (That's changed in the U.S. and GPs are labeling many as being depressed, bi-polar or ADHD, making money for everyone by over medicating patients.) I found some measure of peace through my faith. I got married to a semi-functioning, talented, gorgeous mental man. We really were happy, except, as he said "Why don't you find us a husband to take care of us?" He was funny. Eventually, we started our own music business! It really was fun. Still, I went up to nearly 300 pounds/20 stone, not really coping with life well, while getting paid for making people happy, dance, sing and laugh! Anyway, that husband dropped dead of prescrip overdose in '07, rest his soul. I spent the first couple of years losing weight, and trying to be strong while grieving beyond measure. BIG MISTAKE, HUGE - My father gave me $130,000 which I mangaged to spend in 2 1/2 years! O.K., I did do some constructive things, and I have plenty to sell in a boot sale. I met and married a British man in 2011. He's pretty normal, with a pinch of mental, instead of the other way around. I like that. I love him! He and others in the UK tell me "You remind me of Ruby Wax!" I had to look her up on Wiki. Voila! She is from the SAME place that I'm from. The area seems to breed neurotics and there isn't much room for their (local) idea of "failure". I took an interest in her comedy, but find that she is a creative, brilliant mind that speaks to my heart and mind, and in my own accent! Wow! I was worried about moving to the U.K., since I think that many people are more reserved. I'm ready to flash my bra at any time for a laugh, but have to control myself, even here! Now I feel I can find support with people like you. I will be a "visitor" in WSussex for the remainder of 2013. Evenutally, I will be emigrating as my husband was too mental in the States, and I couldn't handle that! I do adapt to change fairly well, with the help of a little Xanax and a good sandwich. Ruby, where can I find a good sandwich, a "pickle" and Xanax? That's my story, and I'm Chicago Toni Lynn. I don't know you, but I know you have been through a lot. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have a saying: We find each other. x

Reply
Sue B
20/6/2013 05:12:04 am

Hi Ruby
I would love to help take forward the idea of setting up support groups for us with MH needs. As an ex charity CEO I have the experience to give this my best shot. Toni I would love to get to know you, maybe we could be buddies as per Ruby's recommendation........ Miranda any word on the big White House visit :)

Reply
Toni
20/6/2013 11:41:31 am

Hi Sue! Thank you for your reply. Where are you? Are you in the U.K.? I'm leaving the States for 5 months on 1 July. I signed myself up for Ruby's charity "Black Dog Tribe". I haven't had time to look at it very carefully, but looks informative and fun. I do fund raisers, etc. with my music. I cannot legally work in the U.K. yet, but will eventually. Maybe we can put our mental heads together! I'm in Crawley, West Sussex. Thanks again, and if you haven't checked out Black Dog Tribe yet, I think you might like it too. Take care! Toni

Reply
Miranda B link
29/6/2013 04:04:36 am

Hi Sue - I have only just seen this and have now sent you an email... I am also v keen to help try and set up these recovery meetings / get togethers for us 1 in 4. Lovely to meet you Toni and so glad you have registered with Black Dog Tribe - isn't it FAB ?! I have been on it for over a year and get so much out of it. Keep in touch.

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