I wrote this on the last night of my tour of performing Sane New World. I could give out a little "whoop" but I'm extremely sad at endings even though I should know that everything ends and that there are always new beginnings after the endings but I don't see that part. (I'm a glass completely empty kind of person.) Even though there have been terrible travels on this tour (tonight I got on the wrong train, got off at the wrong stop, stood hunched alone in freezing cold, waiting for a bus (no heating) to take me somewhere recognizable where I begged someone in the parking lot for a lift to my theatre and luckily, they took pity), I loved doing my show.

So, I'm opening at the Arts Theatre London, on January 19th for a month in the West End. How happy will I be to be in one place for a month? Please come to see me, I don't want to be standing there talking to air.

The theatre is allowing me to do walk-in meetings where the public are invited to come free to sessions on mindfulness. These will happen three times - on 27th January, 3rd February and 10th February from 2-4pm. There will be access to the theatre from 1.30pm. During the sessions you can meet with a team of experts from the charity Sane to get your questions answered and to get help if need be . I'll also have great speakers (for instance, Peter Fonegy, head of the Anna Freud Centre and an expert on mindfulness for kids in schools). My job will be serving cookies and tea.

I've had walk-in centres before - during a run I did in the West End about five years ago and it was fantastic to behold. People were so grateful and relieved to at last make contact with someone who could offer help and an understanding of what they were going through. I remember, there was a woman at the first meeting who said she didn't want to live anymore and by week five she had a gang of friends around her as a support group and you could visibly see her come out of her misery.

After my show closes on February 13th, I'm going to start my walk-in centres in earnest, by piloting them in conjunction with Marks and Spencers who are supporting the scheme as part of their community programme 'Spark Something Good', which is backed by the charity Mind. They are signatories of Time to Change meaning they're dedicated to stopping the stigma and discrimination against any employees who have mental health problems

It has always been my dream to have these centres where you can meet your people and therefore feel less isolated. These meetings aren't necessarily for those with mental illness but for those who feel they're on the cusp of burning out or simply going up the ladder of 'stressdom'. Meeting other people in the same boat is almost half the cure. We are all so ashamed that we have vulnerabilities, all thinking we should be so strong and on top of things. This is so exciting for me to offer these centres; I know if we want to stop the stigma that there is strength in numbers.

Walk in Clinics at the ARTS THEATRE - no booking required
Please note that the first February date has been changed to 5th February due to a funeral.
6-7 Great Newport St, London WC2H 7JB
2 - 4pm 
January 27 2016
February 5 2016
February 10 2016

Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Don't miss out on the last chance to see her Sane New World show - at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.
Follow Ruby Wax on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RubyWax

Some great questions here - thank you all so much for sending them in.  Don't forget, you can ask me anything over on twitter by sending me a tweet @RubyWax with #AskRuby

 
@MichaelKhalsa
@Rubywax What helps you when depression hits? #AskRuby xx
 
Realizing that depression has really hit and not pretending its not there and will just go away if I stay busy enough or distract myself enough.  Then indulge myself till it passes.
 
@DepressiveDiary
@Rubywax #AskRuby Are you ever ashamed of your depression and if so, how do you challenge that?
 
Yes, when I think the suffering that’s going on in the world, I’m ashamed because I’m not under siege nor is anyone firing guns at me.  I keep saying it’s 1 in 4 and depression doesn’t care who it gets no matter how privileged or safe.
 
@gem82running
@Rubywax How can I avoid passing on my anxiety and depression to my future children? PS Loved your show, been 3 times so far #AskRuby
 
Thanks for being nice about my show.  Depression isn’t something you pass like a virus. If someone has five kids, not all of them get it or get passed the mental illness parcel. It’s Russian roulette when it comes to who inherits what and whether it’s nature or nuture.  If you stay awake to their needs and aware of your syndrome then the offspring stands more of a chance for a better life. Love makes up for quite a lot of potential emotional problems.
 
@MichelleRey75
@Rubywax #AskRuby  what are you thoughts on the use of mobile phones around young children and early childhood brain development
 
I don’t know, I’m not an expert in the field but I know if I didn’t have a mobile I wouldn’t have survived.
 
@jays_ben
How does a relationship survive depression? #AskRuby

Only if you have a ‘loving you no matter what’ partner.If they don’t get it and think you might be just too lazy to pull yourself together, it won’t survive.  It’s a tragedy but it’s true some people can’t take watching indefinable mental suffering and feeling helpless, they abandon the ship.
 
@advantardeodus
What degree of stigma do you think there is around mental health in the UK/Internationally? What should the government be doing? #AskRuby

Changing laws so people with mental illness can’t be stigmatised. It should be illegal.
 
@advantardeodus
@Rubywax Hi. What are your opinions on Mind and Rethink? Thoughts about upcoming Psychedelic therapy? Best book recommendations? #AskRuby
 
We should kiss the helm of Mind and Rethink, without those charities there would be mayhem in the streets; they give advice and tell you how to get help….what’s not to like?
I always thought psychedelics were good for your health.  If you’re going to be out of your mind you might as well go for the real thing.
 
@dgtlghst
@Rubywax What do you do on those days where you don't feel like you can get out of bed? #AskRuby
 
I don’t get out of bed.
 
@wilkesy5
@Rubywax how does touring impact on your mental health? Do you find it more difficult to manage your depression on the road? #askruby
 
I love being on a train; my happiest moments are when I don’t have to give face time to anyone and be able to focus in on my writing as scenery whizzes by and once in awhile I see a cow – bliss.
 
@mikebythepond
@Rubywax #AskRuby can I come round to your's for egg and chips please? Don't mind oven readies

No, I don’t do chips; never have.  An egg I can make - I’m not completely useless.
 
 @davco72
#askruby  Love your book. What's your top tip to stop the brain running wild thinking about  scenarios that will never happen?
 
For me doing mindfulness is the control tower but everyone has to find their own means of curbing rumination, which is the devil and leads no where, only down.
 
@ScienceCaroline
@Rubywax #askruby Did (or do) you ever worry that achieving emotional control via mindfulness might take the edge off being funny? after all, seeing the world differently is part of what makes a person funny. Emotional calm = less funny??!
 
Mindfulness just cuts out the fat so I’m not thinking about my dry cleaning or buying another towel when I’m trying to write a funny line.  It gives you edge; doesn’t take it off.
 
@Lucymdancer
@Rubywax #askruby what do you think is the biggest misconception about the practice of #mindfulness and ur suggestion for overcoming it?
 
That you lose your edge and that your mind is supposed to empty and go blank. (It goes blank when you die that’s the only time)
 
@HollHox
@Rubywax What advice would u give fellow creatives who struggle when low & don't know how to keep going / see a future with it? #AskRuby

I can’t give advice, when you’re that low it only pisses you off when people say, “It will pass” but the truth is it will pass.
 
@akapeachie
@Rubywax I'd love some tips on how to apply mindfulness while busy looking after a toddler! #AskRuby
 
Read my next book out in January, “Mindfulness Guide For the Frazzled” it gives all that advice and more on just about everything. 
 

I'm writing this on the 24th of November. Tomorrow they announce the Budget for what gets what in the crazy world of government funding. I know Norman Lamb went to see George Osborne to reiterate how much mental illness is draining the economy. Talk money, that's the key to their hearts. I don't need to remind you that 70billion pounds are lost each year because of absenteeism at work from stress related illnesses. I can't get it in my head that politicians can't get it in their heads that most of our 21st Century woes are caused by mental illness; crime, addictions, disease, rape, suicide, domestic violence, child abuse is caused by something that is mentally misfiring in our brains. Probably the weather isn't caused by mental illness but then again there's global warning and we did that, so I might be wrong.
The expression 'mental health' is starting to get on my nerves it sounds too fluffy as if it means hygienic or nice and clean thinking. Dealing with terrorists is something I'm not a specialist in but had there been more research on the brain, maybe we'd understand human emotions better. If we had some better insights into how our minds work we might be better able to negotiate with terrorists rather than blasting them to oblivion. There will always be war until we understand the conflict in our own minds. We just keep projecting our own problems on the world. Just because we can't tolerate something doesn't mean we're right. A child can't tolerate things, we as adults should know better. To me, it's our inflexibility of thinking that defines someone as being mentally unhealthy or not. If we heal ourselves; we heal the ills of the world.
We also have to recognize our unconscious taste for violence that each one of us has got branded into our DNA and only when we've faced it can we learn to manage it. We shouldn't beat ourselves up about it, if it wasn't for our ability to go for the jugular we would be on the almost ran list of extinction. We need to acknowledge our dark forces. "Know thyself" before you judge the rest of the world should be emblazoned on tee shirts in every language throughout the globe if we ever want peace.
I'm sure money has to be spent on defence after what happened in Paris but if we don't heal those closer to home we'll wipe ourselves out by stress that we've put on our own shoulders. And if we are under such fear of attack imagine how high the heart attack and posttraumatic stress disorders are going to spike up? See what I mean when I say everything stems from mental illness? If we aren't conscious of not just going back to our baser roots of, "Eye for an Eye" school of thuggery, the terrorized will, as usual, turn into the terrorists.
Hurrah, today is November 25th (I obviously didn't send this in on the 24th) and the Budget has been announced. It seems they're going to give 600 million pounds toward mental health. Before I go out and ring the church bells I need to find out who's going to make sure it's spent correctly. And if all is Kosher than Hurrah!!! Hurrah!!! The UK is waking up to a new dawn and dealing with the real threat in the world; us.
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. See herSane New World show at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.

I would love to be able to write how joyous I am that Christmas is around the corner but I'd be lying. I feel like I'm falling down the rabbit hole. I had this depression exactly at this time of year last year (after a gap of seven years). I think my mind is recalling what happened a year ago which triggered me into a mental whirlwind of despair. I must be having some macabre anniversary.
The good news is, I'm not experiencing that deadening black gloom I have when I'm depressed, my brain is actually going dangerously over the speed limit; not sad but unbelievably alert and busy. A psychiatrist once told me that after multiple episodes of depression over the years, you might start to experience added mania. I assumed that having a bi-polar thing meant extremes like setting your hair on fire or buying real estate in Bulgaria with money you don't have. I'm not in Stephen Fry country, which he describes as out-of-control but I'm certainly doing chores obsessively and going through lists at the speed of knots.
I realise I've been like this in the past but never associated it with manic behavior; I just thought I was being incredibly efficient. I know my mother was hyper when she did things like put all my underwear in plastic bags so the dust wouldn't get at them but it was never diagnosed as a pathology.
Maybe it's because of practicing mindfulness that I notice my strange activities more than before. I can witness them from a distance so I'm aware of what's going on. A few days ago, on my daughter's birthday, I made her order me furniture from Ikea to take to South Africa. (Don't ask why, even I don't know) but part of me was slightly amused. I also lost my suitcase and computer many times during the week. (They were luckily returned), I got in touch with my doctor to ask if I had early dementia.
He said depression is often called 'pseudo dementia' because one of its symptoms is forgetfulness. I should know this because I do a show every night where I talk about what happens to your memory when you're hyper. Not only the memory but the whole body is affected causing the immune system to eventually break down making you like Velcro to multiple diseases; diabetes type two, heart disease, obesity, premature ageing and many others. I forgot that I actually say it in my show and in my book.
A few days ago I was obsessed by the idea of buying a basket from Zara Home. I'm not trying to be funny but it obsessed me all day even while performing my show. I finally jumped out a car when I should have been on a train to the theatre when I noticed Zara Home, went in and bought one in a frantic state. That night someone in the audience asked me how could they tell when they were anxious about something real or anxious about something imagined. , I wanted to tell her about my craving for the Zara basket. I think maybe because I'm more aware of my internal state, I'm doing things to take care of myself. I've stopped using my phone or computer (until now because I thought it would be useful for me to write about my feelings so I remember what they were).
With this knowledge that I'm ill, I make sure I do mindful breathing before doing the show to lower my adrenaline. I'm not reading newspapers or meeting people in the day. In the old days I would punish myself for being lazy and useless, forcing myself to do hundreds of activates. I'm coming to the conclusion that this is a sign of self-compassion not self-indulgence. This disease is sneaky, it comes in many guises; sometimes it shows itself by the need to buy a Zara basket other times it just turns you into a lump of cement with no feelings so you don't care if you live or die.
This leads me to remind you to sign the petition for equality4mentalhealth (you can get to it on Chrome). If this proposal for the government to fund mental illness isn't agreed to by this Budget (on 25 Nov) it won't be brought up again in the next five years. 
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, find out where you can see her Sane New World show - including a four week run at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.

So after my little trip to Burning Man, New Zealand and Cape Town I've come back to London. Don't worry - I'm whipping myself with guilt how lucky I am to have gotten that kind of gig. I worked in two out of the three. In Burning Man, I didn't perform, just fell twelve feet off an installation of a giant boot and ripped the ligaments in my thumb and am still wearing a brace - but it was worth it. Now I'm sitting in a taxi, in the grey hideous rain-dripping ride home from the airport and thinking, "Why?" My reason for 'why' I'm back here is (besides my family and friends and dare I say cat, Sox) I start my tour of Sane New World" again for about twenty dates (google where the show is, I have no idea) and then in the West End at the end of January at the Arts Theatre (I know where that is).

I've toured this show for two years sometimes I ask myself "why am I milking this baby around the UK till it runs dry?" My answer is that in the second half of the show, after the interval, the audience have a chance to talk and for me it's my happiest moment, to be able to connect with my people; my tribe. Most of my life I've felt so freakish and alone but this reaffirms that under our well-armoured fronts, we're pretty much the same (different hair-dos), We all want to be heard, we want some answers and we want to feel connected. In every theatre, wherever I've taken this show, the discussion only ends because we need to shut down the theatre otherwise we'd be there all night. I go out to sign books afterwards so we can go on talking. I love when people talk to me as long as they're honest and cut the small talk. So that's what gets me out of the house, on the train and 'out of Africa' (see Meryl Streep). Just before the West End, my new book comes out and then I'll tour the new show in spring but I'll always, I mean always, want to have the second half where the audience talk to each other and me. We don't have walk-in centres yet so it's the next best thing even though weirdly it happens to be in a theatre. People ask me if I miss what I used to do? I say, if they mean being the champion canoeist at Camp Agawak because that's something I used to do? Or do they mean when I played a bee in my nursery school play because that's also what I did? How far back do people want you to go? I think everything I did was to get me ready for what I'm doing now. This is the payoff and the payback.



​By the way, this is a photo of the boot I fell off at Burning Man. There was a steel vine coming out of the top to get down. I put my foot on the first metal leaf and that was my last leaf. I then took off into the air and fell. People crowded around me holding my head thinking I'd landed on it. Someone asked me if I knew my name? I told him my name. Then they asked if I knew what day it was. I got it right. Then they asked how old I was; I lied. When they found Ed they asked him how old I was and he gave a different age. They took me away in an ambulance because then they thought I got it wrong from a concussion.

My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World.

I arrived in Stockholm straight from New Zealand so I was still fuelled with Hobbit fever, dazzled by the landscape; the gnarly, spooky eye-blindingly emerald green of it all. I was here to speak at Wisdom Stockholm conference. I said I'd do it because it sounded a lot like TedTalks and that's such a namedropper these days so I went from elves to intellects in once swift leap. Ian McKellen, in a pointy hat was replaced by economic leaders, neuroscientists, tech developers and futurists; I felt sick to my stomach that I would be the weird one out; naked and with no power point to hide behind as usual.

It turns out this conference wasn't the usual beauty contest for the best brains. No, to my delight, each speaker was there to discuss ways in which the economy, global organizations, education, technology and the government could become more conscious, more mindful; the aim being well-being rather than the 'eye on the buck school of greedery'. The theme of the talks seemed to be that we've lost our humanity along the way, not caring who goes down (other people) or what goes down (the planet) in the name of obese profits and global domination (see recent Volkswagen debacle). We need to change the modus operandi to promote a pursuit of happiness rather than burning out for the sake of success. It's us that need to change, then we can worry about the return of the Ice Age (which by the way we've caused). So these people, God bless them, were standing alone up there, on the Stockholm Opera House (humble venue) discussing ways to change the world before the world changes us. And the event was sponsored by Google and if they can encourage this caring, sharing brave new world, we just might be able to not screw the world for the next generation completely.

The first speaker was a woman from the United Nations who spoke about Bhutan being number one on the gross national happiness (GNH) spectrum and what the criteria is for getting there. She told us other countries are now joining in to use this GNH measurement to reflect the success of their country. By the way, Britain isn't doing too well but it's doing far better than my home town; the good ol' U.S.A. Another speaker was an English/Indian monk who did mindfulness sessions for us all. He was a fantastic teacher but not holy, at times hilarious (his mother was in the "Kumars" so he had a show business in his ordained veins). I immediately booked him to come onto my new YouTube channel beginning in November based on my new book (A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled) and we'd call our segment, "The Monk and the Mermaid." (Me being the mermaid).
One of my favourites at the conference was an explorer, Johan Ernst Nilson who crossed the Atlantic on a jet ski, walked from the North to the South Pole, moseyed up Everest, kayaked from Europe to Africa. (Obviously airlifted when necessary over land). His speech was about nothing being impossible if you have the desire. As an example of this - he told us while he was kayaking through Europe there were some locks on canals in Holland that weren't working. He wouldn't back down so he figured out how to move forward probably with his theme song "nothing is impossible" playing in his ear. He kayaked the rest of the way through parts of Holland in the sewers instead. But his greatest feat was flying in a motorized boat/raft from Sweden to Africa; check it out on www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_GmhIg75Ho. At one point they sent out fighter planes to find out who or what was in the airspace and reported back it was a boat. Central control didn't think it was a big deal until they said the boat was above them. Johan proved that nothing stops a determined Viking. He's either enlightened or nuts or both but I loved him.

The last night all the speakers were taken into the countryside for a (I guess) 'thanks for talking for free' party. This was my fantasy come true. We walked through a forest lined with candle-lit lanterns to a farmhouse (the red wooden slates with the everything in white interiors). There was a long table set for about 50 with wood burning fires and fantastic looking Swedish men serving home grown food that made your eyes roll back in your head. Nothing makes me happier than eating and listening to original, bright minds at play and to do both at the same time is perfection. I wish this were my life, being fed by beautiful men, in the presence of great minds discussing new and better ways to live and hopefully change the world. I had these type of discussions when I was 18 when I was hopeful and then never again but here's the spark and hopefully some day all this might come to fruition and I can say I was there.

My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World. There are still some tickets available.

I get confused when I hear 'mental health day'. It implies that everything is hunky dory on the mental front, that every other day we don't have mental illness (and some of us don't.). It's like saying 10 December is physical health day. Saturday 10 October, is World Mental Health Day.
If you didn't know, it's a day of campaigning designed as, thank God, a wake up call for national and local governments - asking them to pull out their finger and do something about this problem that by 2020 will be pandemic. The scale of mental health problems is so large that it is a no brainer to start finding ways to help those who need it and fast. I don't need to tell you how hard it is to get someone to see you if you have a mental problem or the fact they throw generic pills at you like candy to get you off their backs (I don't mention names).
It is a day where hopefully national and local governments are informed about what needs to be done for improving mental health policies - the NHS needs reform to help us better. This isn't for some small minority - it's for one in four (and the families and friends that support the one in four). That's a lot of votes they could get if they got off their behinds.
To bring awareness to mental health hopefully flags up the fact we still have a stigma situation that there are people on planet earth who still think those of us with mental illness are doing it for attention or because we're just not able to pull ourselves together. My hope is everyone starts to understand that mental IS physical. It just happens to be a disease of the brain which is without doubt the most important organ you're carrying. When any other organ goes out of commission you get sympathy cards, but if your brain is ill, you might get some friends telling you to "perk up". Because you didn't think of that.
Could we please wake up. It's 2015 for God's sake. It's time to spend some money on why people aren't mentally healthy to come up with solutions to alleviate the suffering. When I perform my show, Sane New World, I invite the audience to have a discussion or ask questions. Three times I've had people stand up and say that they've had cancer and mental illness and when I ask which is worse to them they've all said the depression. One man told me and the audience that with cancer he wanted to live, with depression he wanted to die.
I hope people wake up and realise they can run, they can hide, they can pretend it doesn't exist but if there are one in four that means if not them it's someone they know or are related to.
Perhaps, on this day we should drag these people trying to get away with going to work that they should wake up and smell the roses. I hope it makes people aware that unless more focus is shone on the brain - in research, in funding, in healthcare - because right now I think it gets the least attention of all diseases rolled up together. Let's wave that banner. If on this day of days we could somehow stop the stigma than I salute it.
My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World. There are still some tickets available.

When you look down from the plane as you land in New Zealand, you think the grass must be fake because nothing is that green in real life; nature doesn't do dayglo hues. This makes Ireland look beige. My impression was that New Zealand is a virgin, not yet corrupted by greed and ruthless competition. People here are sweet, not aggressive. Even the birds are friendly. There have never been any predators so even the robins come up and stare at you with absolutely no fear; practically feeding you crumbs. It was as if God said to us humans, "Okay you screwed everything up, I'm giving you one more chance," and he created New Zealand.
No question, this is hobbit country (I say that even though I didn't last ten minutes watching the film where everyone was either an elf or Ian McKellen). The forests are covered in moss with gnarly, spooky trees growing out of boulders and caves carved into them. If this isn't elfdom nothing is.
Almost the whole country is a National Park so it's a no-go area for revolting hotel chains or tourist shops selling Lord of the Rings key rings. Anywhere else in the world some business man would sell out to tourism but not here. Milford Sound, a national park, is about a million acres of giant snow caped mountains made of glaciers. Between the Swiss-like Alps, deep in the valleys, are rainforests sitting in iridescent aqua lakes. Hundreds of waterfalls crash down the mountain from the melting snow.
Ok, enough with the scenery, I went there to speak at a conference called APAC - an international meeting of doctors and clinicians, coming together to brain-storm how to create a more human approach to health care. An approach where the patient has some say in their treatment and care. When it came time for me to speak, I almost got up and give my spiel about how I thought New Zealand was paradise and clearly everyone was happy because the place was so pristine and the air was five star.
I couldn't imagine there was any crime, especially outside the cities. I thought you'd have to beg someone to mug you and then probably have to explain what mugging was mainly because I'd been told people leave their doors and cars unlocked.
However, in the lunch break just before I was about to speak, I was told that there are more suicides of males under 30 than anywhere else in the world. It turns out the people suffering from mental problems, including a multitude of addicts of ice and other hard-core drugs, are hidden in communities far away out of sight where they receive no support. So much for the bucolic New Zealand jag I was on. I had to change my tune pretty quickly.
I should know by now that no matter where you are in the world, mental illness is a disease that hits so many people and is even more acute if you're living in dire conditions. Was I filled with so much guilt I immediately packed my bags to go help those people? Did I leave the country in disgust? No, I continued to tour I'm ashamed to say. Sometimes I just don't want to look into the darkness. Is that the human condition or is it just me?

(Continuation from last week on my Burning Man experience)
On day four, I had a bit of an accident at the giant boot installation. You enter through a door into a fairy tale world of tiny elaborate scenes behind glass involving toy mice, dolphins, dragons, elves - the usual once-upon-a-time-stuff, exhibited in recesses in the walls and in old leatherbound books where the pages were gouged out to house the scenes. There was an interior ladder to get up to where Rapunzel lowers down her hair but the only way to exit the boot was down a steel vine you have to climb down leaf by leaf. I remember I hit the first leaf and then for twelve feet it was just air rushing by until my head thudded on the ground, throwing up a lot of dust. There was blood everywhere. If you want quick medical service come to Burning Man, the paramedics take minutes (all good looking). They made me stay face down holding my head and asking me what my name was, what day it was and my age, which I lied about and when they found Ed, my husband, and asked him, he gave a different age so they thought I had a concussion.
In the ambulance as they drove me to the pop up hospital, I looked out the window at giant babies with no heads, an over-sized type-writer where you sit on the keys, a flying carpet being chased by a half dog, half police car, large coiled dragons breathing fire. Anywhere else you'd think you had a brain injury, here it was just the view. The hospital was another scene from The Apocalypse; people in the latest warrior-wear were connected to tubes or hanging from gurneys either from dehydration or drugs. It turns out my finger was torn open, explaining the splattered blood and besides my thick socks being shredded (if they weren't it would have been my legs) and half my behind bruised purple, nothing happened but they shot me up with pain killers anyway the way a doctor gives you a lollipop.
A few hours later I was back on the bike heading for the clown orgy. I was told the clowns were still asleep so I pedalled to the temple; an enormous wooden structure shaped like a conch sell made of ribs of wood. Inside, people wrote long farewell notes to those who died along with photos and mementos. The notes were heart breaking about how they missed them or never said how much they loved them or how they felt they're still with them. I carved a thank you note for not breaking my neck. They burn this temple down the last night along with all the notes, photos and prayer flags. On my way out two people with matching hairstyles that stood three feet straight up to a point, asked if they could marry me to someone. Ed was nearby so they performed an impromptu wedding ceremony as a crowd cheered, kissed and congratulated us; it took four minutes. It's a continuous surprise party.
There were many moments where I heard myself say out loud, "Oh, my God." At one point, I watched the lamplighters; a group of about 60 men and women dressed in white tunics, carrying long wooden sticks on their shoulders with about eight lanterns hanging off them, four on each side. They walk in a solemn procession every night, rain, sun or sandstorm. When they approached the lampposts lining the mile long walkway to the Temple; someone dressed as a wizard, in front of the carriers (with long beard and pointy hat) raised his staff and four people ran with hooks to nab a lantern and as the wizard raised his arms they raised their separate lanterns to hook onto the lamp posts. People riding alongside shouted, "Thank you lamp-lighters."
As I watched them go off in the distance about 70 police cars (I counted later) drove slowly in a line the opposite way with their lights flashing but no sound. It was such a juxtaposition of the spirit and the real world criss-crossing. The cars lined up in two long rows on either side of the lantern lit walkway and the police got out walking quietly to the front of the temple, raised a tall ladder and one of them climbed up to hammer a photo of a policeman on the wall. He wrote beside it, "His life meant something." I was told he had recently been shot in the line of duty. Again the weight of emotion was palpable; it's rare to be with a large crowd and feel such compassion and vulnerability. I thought this is what humans are like when they're not elbowing their way to the front to get to God knows what. This is the way we are when our dog-eat-dog button is on 'off.' It's infectious, when so many people are emoting empathy, you can't help but catch it. All my sarcasm had nowhere to go because once there's no fear or anger, there's no reason to bite. Your defences are down and what's under that is something close to happiness.
The last night they burned the 80 foot wooden Man. It began with a firework display that kicked the ass of anything I've ever seen or heard about. The sky was filled with lattices of electric sparks that went on for hours and then the effigy of the Man exploded to the crowd's howling while fire dancers went primitive. I had to leave, my eyeballs and mind just gave up and surrendered; they could take in no more. I had to find a quiet room and a Xanax. This euphoric experience, even with my loss of blood, will forever be embedded in my brain. There's no money used here so people give you things without expecting anything in return. There's a first. No one asks what you do for a living so there's no sense of being higher or lower than anyone else. In the six days I was there, I got a taste of what's possible and that will keep my heart afloat until next year when I'll be back in my Disney dress.

Here are some brilliant questions and my answers for #AskRuby - keep them coming.  Send me your burning questions over on twitter with #AskRuby.  

Pascal Leroux @PascalLeroux
What's your opinion regarding SSRIs vs mental illness? #AskRuby @Rubywax

I thank the Lord each day for SSRI’ s, without them I wouldn’t be able to read your question, let alone sit up.  If you have a serious mental illness why would you not take them and make yourself suffer even more?  Drugs are far from perfect but it’s all we’ve got. You have to do therapy along with it but first I think, get your mind back before you can look into it.


Rena @RenaKafizas
@Rubywax #AskRuby why do you think some people get Dementia?

If I knew that I’d be worth billions.  It’s Russian roulette which disease each of us get landed with; it could be genes, could be lifestyle but if you’re not using your brain in novel ways; you’re not helping your odds.



lifebeginsat59 @lifebeginsat59
@Rubywax do you do Pilates? #AskRuby

You probably noticed I have a particularly strong pelvic floor; bits of flooring are always stuck to me so, yes, I do Pilates.  It’s mindfulness and exercise together so you kill two birds with one stone; a clearer mind and a tighter bum.



#Twiteratatas @zakmckrakken
@Rubywax How do you get through the worst of days? The days when the darkness is without end? #needhelp #AskRuby 

Don’t whip yourself when you’re that low, watch box sets to stop the endless rumination; it won’t get you anywhere and only hammers you into the ground.  Do whatever you have to do to get your attention away from your thoughts because those are what’s sick; not you.



CoachBright @CoachBrightUK
#AskRuby What's the best way to talk about mental health in schools?

Find a teacher who suffers from it (it won’t be hard, there are probably more than 1 out of 3) and have them tell the kids their experiences. If one person is brave enough to speak out the rest will follow and that’s how teachers should teach - by example.



Becky Lavery @rlavery7
@Rubywax what's the best way to explain depression to the people you love #AskRuby

Repeat to them daily, “It has nothing to do with you.”  Once they understand it’s not their fault you can start to walk them through the feelings of nothingness/self –loathing/helplessness or whatever your particular symptoms are. They want to know but they want to know it’s not because of them.



David J Britton @Tyburn_Cross
@Rubywax Did you originally want a career as an actress rather than comedienne (hence the Professionals gig)? #AskRuby

Sadly, I thought I could act. Luckily, Alan Rickman informed me I would not have a future as an actress and to get off the stage immediately. Also luckily, he told me to write my own material and then taught me how to do comedy. I owe him.



Michael Khalsa @MichaelKhalsa
@Rubywax Ruby, what do you do if people give you shite? #AskRuby

I have to try with all my might, to hold back my instinct to rip their throats out.  Usually if I give the grief back I get a backwash of toxicity that makes me feel sick the next day so now I think why should I give them the pleasure?



Louis @kingof__fools
@Rubywax Musician Prof Green spoke 2day about depression & therapy, you've made it an acceptable thing now, How is new book coming? #askruby

My new book has left the Mothership (me) and comes out in the beginning of January. I wrote it to answer all the questions I get asked when doing my show: What can teen-agers do to deal with pressure? How can parents help their kids/babies? How can you cope in a world of distractions and incoming anxiety? How can you survive work? I cover a wide range of what makes us nuts and what we can do about it.  I’m still using the language of comedy.



Jane Brueton @BruetonJane
@Rubywax #AskRuby Do you think the pressure on women to look beautiful, be thin and super successful adds to mental health problems? X

Pressure to be perfect causes stress but if you have a disease like bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression etc. you could be a supermodel or the richest bitch on earth and still have all of the above.


Isabel Feiras @IFeiras
@Rubywax #AskRuby Why does it often seem that being well is a state of remission from illness?

When your broken leg heals or your flu leaves the building, you know you’re well again. With mental illness when it leaves its’ always lurks in the shadows ready to pounce again so you can never feel totally at ease. Being well always feels a bit temporary to me.



mox56 @mox56
#AskRuby Your thoughts re new studies indicating mindfulness can make it difficult to decide if experiences are real or only imagined.

Mindfulness gives you a way of dealing with the critical thoughts that make you stressed and or depressed. It works like a type of braking system so you don’t get sucked into rumination. It has nothing to do with deciding if experiences are real or imagined.  If you’re thinking those thoughts, please see a doctor.



Kallum Edwards @kallum_edwards
@Rubywax when are you writing another book? #AskRuby

I’ve just finished my new book, coming out in January. I can’t push it enough so I am…..endlessly. It’s called, “Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled.”  You can pre-order it. (I’m still pushing).



Talking Therapies @TTBerkshire
What's one of the most helpful pieces of advice anyone's ever given you? #AskRuby

I love the expression, “Pain is pain but suffering is optional.”



Fiona Beddow @FionaBeddow
@Rubywax #AskRuby  What do you do to stay mindful/in the moment when you're on a train?

Just for a few minutes, I try to send all my attention to the sounds coming in from all sides and when I notice my mind starts it’s usual worrying, planning, rehashing again, I take the focus back to the sound. If you really tune into it, it’s actually fantastically entertaining, much better than earphones.



Alpa @alparina
@Rubywax any tips on how to stop my mind from drifting to other things? #AskRuby

Your mind is supposed to drift to other things; that’s its job. If it didn’t flit around, you’d be as useful as a lamppost. It’s not about stopping your thoughts but of not getting caught in their demands; watching them rather than reacting to them.



Lee Rowlands @SaladDodgersBBQ
@Rubywax Do autistic brains benefit from mindfulness in the same way? #AskRuby

I only know the effects of mindfulness by the scientific research done on it. I haven’t looked at how it benefits autistic brains but there would be papers out there; compliments of Google.



Dave West @foresthoop
@Rubywax Do you miss the USA? #AskRuby

No. I don’t like irony-free zones.



Julie Hollings @PRcommscoach
Your top tip for maintaining positivity in the face of setbacks?  #askruby

Find a friend who will listen and empathize; you can’t face things alone.



Jodie Leigh @JodieLeigh_ESXM
@Rubywax Thoughts on the link between nutrition & mental health? #AskRuby

Food isn’t my area of expertise – I only eat it.



James Williams @FamilyFeelings
Hi @Rubywax #askruby I start my journey to become a counsellor very soon what is the most effective therapy you have encountered thanks :)

 I studied mindfulness-based cognitive therapy but we all have different fingerprints, what works for one person, makes the next one climb the walls.  Ask yourself, what works for you?