I would love to be able to write how joyous I am that Christmas is around the corner but I'd be lying. I feel like I'm falling down the rabbit hole. I had this depression exactly at this time of year last year (after a gap of seven years). I think my mind is recalling what happened a year ago which triggered me into a mental whirlwind of despair. I must be having some macabre anniversary.
The good news is, I'm not experiencing that deadening black gloom I have when I'm depressed, my brain is actually going dangerously over the speed limit; not sad but unbelievably alert and busy. A psychiatrist once told me that after multiple episodes of depression over the years, you might start to experience added mania. I assumed that having a bi-polar thing meant extremes like setting your hair on fire or buying real estate in Bulgaria with money you don't have. I'm not in Stephen Fry country, which he describes as out-of-control but I'm certainly doing chores obsessively and going through lists at the speed of knots.
I realise I've been like this in the past but never associated it with manic behavior; I just thought I was being incredibly efficient. I know my mother was hyper when she did things like put all my underwear in plastic bags so the dust wouldn't get at them but it was never diagnosed as a pathology.
Maybe it's because of practicing mindfulness that I notice my strange activities more than before. I can witness them from a distance so I'm aware of what's going on. A few days ago, on my daughter's birthday, I made her order me furniture from Ikea to take to South Africa. (Don't ask why, even I don't know) but part of me was slightly amused. I also lost my suitcase and computer many times during the week. (They were luckily returned), I got in touch with my doctor to ask if I had early dementia.
He said depression is often called 'pseudo dementia' because one of its symptoms is forgetfulness. I should know this because I do a show every night where I talk about what happens to your memory when you're hyper. Not only the memory but the whole body is affected causing the immune system to eventually break down making you like Velcro to multiple diseases; diabetes type two, heart disease, obesity, premature ageing and many others. I forgot that I actually say it in my show and in my book.
A few days ago I was obsessed by the idea of buying a basket from Zara Home. I'm not trying to be funny but it obsessed me all day even while performing my show. I finally jumped out a car when I should have been on a train to the theatre when I noticed Zara Home, went in and bought one in a frantic state. That night someone in the audience asked me how could they tell when they were anxious about something real or anxious about something imagined. , I wanted to tell her about my craving for the Zara basket. I think maybe because I'm more aware of my internal state, I'm doing things to take care of myself. I've stopped using my phone or computer (until now because I thought it would be useful for me to write about my feelings so I remember what they were).
With this knowledge that I'm ill, I make sure I do mindful breathing before doing the show to lower my adrenaline. I'm not reading newspapers or meeting people in the day. In the old days I would punish myself for being lazy and useless, forcing myself to do hundreds of activates. I'm coming to the conclusion that this is a sign of self-compassion not self-indulgence. This disease is sneaky, it comes in many guises; sometimes it shows itself by the need to buy a Zara basket other times it just turns you into a lump of cement with no feelings so you don't care if you live or die.
This leads me to remind you to sign the petition for equality4mentalhealth (you can get to it on Chrome). If this proposal for the government to fund mental illness isn't agreed to by this Budget (on 25 Nov) it won't be brought up again in the next five years. 
Ruby's new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, find out where you can see her Sane New World show - including a four week run at the Arts Theatre in London, Jan 19 - Feb 13 2016.

So after my little trip to Burning Man, New Zealand and Cape Town I've come back to London. Don't worry - I'm whipping myself with guilt how lucky I am to have gotten that kind of gig. I worked in two out of the three. In Burning Man, I didn't perform, just fell twelve feet off an installation of a giant boot and ripped the ligaments in my thumb and am still wearing a brace - but it was worth it. Now I'm sitting in a taxi, in the grey hideous rain-dripping ride home from the airport and thinking, "Why?" My reason for 'why' I'm back here is (besides my family and friends and dare I say cat, Sox) I start my tour of Sane New World" again for about twenty dates (google where the show is, I have no idea) and then in the West End at the end of January at the Arts Theatre (I know where that is).

I've toured this show for two years sometimes I ask myself "why am I milking this baby around the UK till it runs dry?" My answer is that in the second half of the show, after the interval, the audience have a chance to talk and for me it's my happiest moment, to be able to connect with my people; my tribe. Most of my life I've felt so freakish and alone but this reaffirms that under our well-armoured fronts, we're pretty much the same (different hair-dos), We all want to be heard, we want some answers and we want to feel connected. In every theatre, wherever I've taken this show, the discussion only ends because we need to shut down the theatre otherwise we'd be there all night. I go out to sign books afterwards so we can go on talking. I love when people talk to me as long as they're honest and cut the small talk. So that's what gets me out of the house, on the train and 'out of Africa' (see Meryl Streep). Just before the West End, my new book comes out and then I'll tour the new show in spring but I'll always, I mean always, want to have the second half where the audience talk to each other and me. We don't have walk-in centres yet so it's the next best thing even though weirdly it happens to be in a theatre. People ask me if I miss what I used to do? I say, if they mean being the champion canoeist at Camp Agawak because that's something I used to do? Or do they mean when I played a bee in my nursery school play because that's also what I did? How far back do people want you to go? I think everything I did was to get me ready for what I'm doing now. This is the payoff and the payback.



​By the way, this is a photo of the boot I fell off at Burning Man. There was a steel vine coming out of the top to get down. I put my foot on the first metal leaf and that was my last leaf. I then took off into the air and fell. People crowded around me holding my head thinking I'd landed on it. Someone asked me if I knew my name? I told him my name. Then they asked if I knew what day it was. I got it right. Then they asked how old I was; I lied. When they found Ed they asked him how old I was and he gave a different age. They took me away in an ambulance because then they thought I got it wrong from a concussion.

My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World.

I arrived in Stockholm straight from New Zealand so I was still fuelled with Hobbit fever, dazzled by the landscape; the gnarly, spooky eye-blindingly emerald green of it all. I was here to speak at Wisdom Stockholm conference. I said I'd do it because it sounded a lot like TedTalks and that's such a namedropper these days so I went from elves to intellects in once swift leap. Ian McKellen, in a pointy hat was replaced by economic leaders, neuroscientists, tech developers and futurists; I felt sick to my stomach that I would be the weird one out; naked and with no power point to hide behind as usual.

It turns out this conference wasn't the usual beauty contest for the best brains. No, to my delight, each speaker was there to discuss ways in which the economy, global organizations, education, technology and the government could become more conscious, more mindful; the aim being well-being rather than the 'eye on the buck school of greedery'. The theme of the talks seemed to be that we've lost our humanity along the way, not caring who goes down (other people) or what goes down (the planet) in the name of obese profits and global domination (see recent Volkswagen debacle). We need to change the modus operandi to promote a pursuit of happiness rather than burning out for the sake of success. It's us that need to change, then we can worry about the return of the Ice Age (which by the way we've caused). So these people, God bless them, were standing alone up there, on the Stockholm Opera House (humble venue) discussing ways to change the world before the world changes us. And the event was sponsored by Google and if they can encourage this caring, sharing brave new world, we just might be able to not screw the world for the next generation completely.

The first speaker was a woman from the United Nations who spoke about Bhutan being number one on the gross national happiness (GNH) spectrum and what the criteria is for getting there. She told us other countries are now joining in to use this GNH measurement to reflect the success of their country. By the way, Britain isn't doing too well but it's doing far better than my home town; the good ol' U.S.A. Another speaker was an English/Indian monk who did mindfulness sessions for us all. He was a fantastic teacher but not holy, at times hilarious (his mother was in the "Kumars" so he had a show business in his ordained veins). I immediately booked him to come onto my new YouTube channel beginning in November based on my new book (A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled) and we'd call our segment, "The Monk and the Mermaid." (Me being the mermaid).
One of my favourites at the conference was an explorer, Johan Ernst Nilson who crossed the Atlantic on a jet ski, walked from the North to the South Pole, moseyed up Everest, kayaked from Europe to Africa. (Obviously airlifted when necessary over land). His speech was about nothing being impossible if you have the desire. As an example of this - he told us while he was kayaking through Europe there were some locks on canals in Holland that weren't working. He wouldn't back down so he figured out how to move forward probably with his theme song "nothing is impossible" playing in his ear. He kayaked the rest of the way through parts of Holland in the sewers instead. But his greatest feat was flying in a motorized boat/raft from Sweden to Africa; check it out on www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_GmhIg75Ho. At one point they sent out fighter planes to find out who or what was in the airspace and reported back it was a boat. Central control didn't think it was a big deal until they said the boat was above them. Johan proved that nothing stops a determined Viking. He's either enlightened or nuts or both but I loved him.

The last night all the speakers were taken into the countryside for a (I guess) 'thanks for talking for free' party. This was my fantasy come true. We walked through a forest lined with candle-lit lanterns to a farmhouse (the red wooden slates with the everything in white interiors). There was a long table set for about 50 with wood burning fires and fantastic looking Swedish men serving home grown food that made your eyes roll back in your head. Nothing makes me happier than eating and listening to original, bright minds at play and to do both at the same time is perfection. I wish this were my life, being fed by beautiful men, in the presence of great minds discussing new and better ways to live and hopefully change the world. I had these type of discussions when I was 18 when I was hopeful and then never again but here's the spark and hopefully some day all this might come to fruition and I can say I was there.

My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World. There are still some tickets available.

I get confused when I hear 'mental health day'. It implies that everything is hunky dory on the mental front, that every other day we don't have mental illness (and some of us don't.). It's like saying 10 December is physical health day. Saturday 10 October, is World Mental Health Day.
If you didn't know, it's a day of campaigning designed as, thank God, a wake up call for national and local governments - asking them to pull out their finger and do something about this problem that by 2020 will be pandemic. The scale of mental health problems is so large that it is a no brainer to start finding ways to help those who need it and fast. I don't need to tell you how hard it is to get someone to see you if you have a mental problem or the fact they throw generic pills at you like candy to get you off their backs (I don't mention names).
It is a day where hopefully national and local governments are informed about what needs to be done for improving mental health policies - the NHS needs reform to help us better. This isn't for some small minority - it's for one in four (and the families and friends that support the one in four). That's a lot of votes they could get if they got off their behinds.
To bring awareness to mental health hopefully flags up the fact we still have a stigma situation that there are people on planet earth who still think those of us with mental illness are doing it for attention or because we're just not able to pull ourselves together. My hope is everyone starts to understand that mental IS physical. It just happens to be a disease of the brain which is without doubt the most important organ you're carrying. When any other organ goes out of commission you get sympathy cards, but if your brain is ill, you might get some friends telling you to "perk up". Because you didn't think of that.
Could we please wake up. It's 2015 for God's sake. It's time to spend some money on why people aren't mentally healthy to come up with solutions to alleviate the suffering. When I perform my show, Sane New World, I invite the audience to have a discussion or ask questions. Three times I've had people stand up and say that they've had cancer and mental illness and when I ask which is worse to them they've all said the depression. One man told me and the audience that with cancer he wanted to live, with depression he wanted to die.
I hope people wake up and realise they can run, they can hide, they can pretend it doesn't exist but if there are one in four that means if not them it's someone they know or are related to.
Perhaps, on this day we should drag these people trying to get away with going to work that they should wake up and smell the roses. I hope it makes people aware that unless more focus is shone on the brain - in research, in funding, in healthcare - because right now I think it gets the least attention of all diseases rolled up together. Let's wave that banner. If on this day of days we could somehow stop the stigma than I salute it.
My new book - A Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled - will be published in January 2016. Be the first to find out more here. Until then, I'll be back on the road with Sane New World. There are still some tickets available.

When you look down from the plane as you land in New Zealand, you think the grass must be fake because nothing is that green in real life; nature doesn't do dayglo hues. This makes Ireland look beige. My impression was that New Zealand is a virgin, not yet corrupted by greed and ruthless competition. People here are sweet, not aggressive. Even the birds are friendly. There have never been any predators so even the robins come up and stare at you with absolutely no fear; practically feeding you crumbs. It was as if God said to us humans, "Okay you screwed everything up, I'm giving you one more chance," and he created New Zealand.
No question, this is hobbit country (I say that even though I didn't last ten minutes watching the film where everyone was either an elf or Ian McKellen). The forests are covered in moss with gnarly, spooky trees growing out of boulders and caves carved into them. If this isn't elfdom nothing is.
Almost the whole country is a National Park so it's a no-go area for revolting hotel chains or tourist shops selling Lord of the Rings key rings. Anywhere else in the world some business man would sell out to tourism but not here. Milford Sound, a national park, is about a million acres of giant snow caped mountains made of glaciers. Between the Swiss-like Alps, deep in the valleys, are rainforests sitting in iridescent aqua lakes. Hundreds of waterfalls crash down the mountain from the melting snow.
Ok, enough with the scenery, I went there to speak at a conference called APAC - an international meeting of doctors and clinicians, coming together to brain-storm how to create a more human approach to health care. An approach where the patient has some say in their treatment and care. When it came time for me to speak, I almost got up and give my spiel about how I thought New Zealand was paradise and clearly everyone was happy because the place was so pristine and the air was five star.
I couldn't imagine there was any crime, especially outside the cities. I thought you'd have to beg someone to mug you and then probably have to explain what mugging was mainly because I'd been told people leave their doors and cars unlocked.
However, in the lunch break just before I was about to speak, I was told that there are more suicides of males under 30 than anywhere else in the world. It turns out the people suffering from mental problems, including a multitude of addicts of ice and other hard-core drugs, are hidden in communities far away out of sight where they receive no support. So much for the bucolic New Zealand jag I was on. I had to change my tune pretty quickly.
I should know by now that no matter where you are in the world, mental illness is a disease that hits so many people and is even more acute if you're living in dire conditions. Was I filled with so much guilt I immediately packed my bags to go help those people? Did I leave the country in disgust? No, I continued to tour I'm ashamed to say. Sometimes I just don't want to look into the darkness. Is that the human condition or is it just me?

(Continuation from last week on my Burning Man experience)
On day four, I had a bit of an accident at the giant boot installation. You enter through a door into a fairy tale world of tiny elaborate scenes behind glass involving toy mice, dolphins, dragons, elves - the usual once-upon-a-time-stuff, exhibited in recesses in the walls and in old leatherbound books where the pages were gouged out to house the scenes. There was an interior ladder to get up to where Rapunzel lowers down her hair but the only way to exit the boot was down a steel vine you have to climb down leaf by leaf. I remember I hit the first leaf and then for twelve feet it was just air rushing by until my head thudded on the ground, throwing up a lot of dust. There was blood everywhere. If you want quick medical service come to Burning Man, the paramedics take minutes (all good looking). They made me stay face down holding my head and asking me what my name was, what day it was and my age, which I lied about and when they found Ed, my husband, and asked him, he gave a different age so they thought I had a concussion.
In the ambulance as they drove me to the pop up hospital, I looked out the window at giant babies with no heads, an over-sized type-writer where you sit on the keys, a flying carpet being chased by a half dog, half police car, large coiled dragons breathing fire. Anywhere else you'd think you had a brain injury, here it was just the view. The hospital was another scene from The Apocalypse; people in the latest warrior-wear were connected to tubes or hanging from gurneys either from dehydration or drugs. It turns out my finger was torn open, explaining the splattered blood and besides my thick socks being shredded (if they weren't it would have been my legs) and half my behind bruised purple, nothing happened but they shot me up with pain killers anyway the way a doctor gives you a lollipop.
A few hours later I was back on the bike heading for the clown orgy. I was told the clowns were still asleep so I pedalled to the temple; an enormous wooden structure shaped like a conch sell made of ribs of wood. Inside, people wrote long farewell notes to those who died along with photos and mementos. The notes were heart breaking about how they missed them or never said how much they loved them or how they felt they're still with them. I carved a thank you note for not breaking my neck. They burn this temple down the last night along with all the notes, photos and prayer flags. On my way out two people with matching hairstyles that stood three feet straight up to a point, asked if they could marry me to someone. Ed was nearby so they performed an impromptu wedding ceremony as a crowd cheered, kissed and congratulated us; it took four minutes. It's a continuous surprise party.
There were many moments where I heard myself say out loud, "Oh, my God." At one point, I watched the lamplighters; a group of about 60 men and women dressed in white tunics, carrying long wooden sticks on their shoulders with about eight lanterns hanging off them, four on each side. They walk in a solemn procession every night, rain, sun or sandstorm. When they approached the lampposts lining the mile long walkway to the Temple; someone dressed as a wizard, in front of the carriers (with long beard and pointy hat) raised his staff and four people ran with hooks to nab a lantern and as the wizard raised his arms they raised their separate lanterns to hook onto the lamp posts. People riding alongside shouted, "Thank you lamp-lighters."
As I watched them go off in the distance about 70 police cars (I counted later) drove slowly in a line the opposite way with their lights flashing but no sound. It was such a juxtaposition of the spirit and the real world criss-crossing. The cars lined up in two long rows on either side of the lantern lit walkway and the police got out walking quietly to the front of the temple, raised a tall ladder and one of them climbed up to hammer a photo of a policeman on the wall. He wrote beside it, "His life meant something." I was told he had recently been shot in the line of duty. Again the weight of emotion was palpable; it's rare to be with a large crowd and feel such compassion and vulnerability. I thought this is what humans are like when they're not elbowing their way to the front to get to God knows what. This is the way we are when our dog-eat-dog button is on 'off.' It's infectious, when so many people are emoting empathy, you can't help but catch it. All my sarcasm had nowhere to go because once there's no fear or anger, there's no reason to bite. Your defences are down and what's under that is something close to happiness.
The last night they burned the 80 foot wooden Man. It began with a firework display that kicked the ass of anything I've ever seen or heard about. The sky was filled with lattices of electric sparks that went on for hours and then the effigy of the Man exploded to the crowd's howling while fire dancers went primitive. I had to leave, my eyeballs and mind just gave up and surrendered; they could take in no more. I had to find a quiet room and a Xanax. This euphoric experience, even with my loss of blood, will forever be embedded in my brain. There's no money used here so people give you things without expecting anything in return. There's a first. No one asks what you do for a living so there's no sense of being higher or lower than anyone else. In the six days I was there, I got a taste of what's possible and that will keep my heart afloat until next year when I'll be back in my Disney dress.

Here are some brilliant questions and my answers for #AskRuby - keep them coming.  Send me your burning questions over on twitter with #AskRuby.  

Pascal Leroux @PascalLeroux
What's your opinion regarding SSRIs vs mental illness? #AskRuby @Rubywax

I thank the Lord each day for SSRI’ s, without them I wouldn’t be able to read your question, let alone sit up.  If you have a serious mental illness why would you not take them and make yourself suffer even more?  Drugs are far from perfect but it’s all we’ve got. You have to do therapy along with it but first I think, get your mind back before you can look into it.


Rena @RenaKafizas
@Rubywax #AskRuby why do you think some people get Dementia?

If I knew that I’d be worth billions.  It’s Russian roulette which disease each of us get landed with; it could be genes, could be lifestyle but if you’re not using your brain in novel ways; you’re not helping your odds.



lifebeginsat59 @lifebeginsat59
@Rubywax do you do Pilates? #AskRuby

You probably noticed I have a particularly strong pelvic floor; bits of flooring are always stuck to me so, yes, I do Pilates.  It’s mindfulness and exercise together so you kill two birds with one stone; a clearer mind and a tighter bum.



#Twiteratatas @zakmckrakken
@Rubywax How do you get through the worst of days? The days when the darkness is without end? #needhelp #AskRuby 

Don’t whip yourself when you’re that low, watch box sets to stop the endless rumination; it won’t get you anywhere and only hammers you into the ground.  Do whatever you have to do to get your attention away from your thoughts because those are what’s sick; not you.



CoachBright @CoachBrightUK
#AskRuby What's the best way to talk about mental health in schools?

Find a teacher who suffers from it (it won’t be hard, there are probably more than 1 out of 3) and have them tell the kids their experiences. If one person is brave enough to speak out the rest will follow and that’s how teachers should teach - by example.



Becky Lavery @rlavery7
@Rubywax what's the best way to explain depression to the people you love #AskRuby

Repeat to them daily, “It has nothing to do with you.”  Once they understand it’s not their fault you can start to walk them through the feelings of nothingness/self –loathing/helplessness or whatever your particular symptoms are. They want to know but they want to know it’s not because of them.



David J Britton @Tyburn_Cross
@Rubywax Did you originally want a career as an actress rather than comedienne (hence the Professionals gig)? #AskRuby

Sadly, I thought I could act. Luckily, Alan Rickman informed me I would not have a future as an actress and to get off the stage immediately. Also luckily, he told me to write my own material and then taught me how to do comedy. I owe him.



Michael Khalsa @MichaelKhalsa
@Rubywax Ruby, what do you do if people give you shite? #AskRuby

I have to try with all my might, to hold back my instinct to rip their throats out.  Usually if I give the grief back I get a backwash of toxicity that makes me feel sick the next day so now I think why should I give them the pleasure?



Louis @kingof__fools
@Rubywax Musician Prof Green spoke 2day about depression & therapy, you've made it an acceptable thing now, How is new book coming? #askruby

My new book has left the Mothership (me) and comes out in the beginning of January. I wrote it to answer all the questions I get asked when doing my show: What can teen-agers do to deal with pressure? How can parents help their kids/babies? How can you cope in a world of distractions and incoming anxiety? How can you survive work? I cover a wide range of what makes us nuts and what we can do about it.  I’m still using the language of comedy.



Jane Brueton @BruetonJane
@Rubywax #AskRuby Do you think the pressure on women to look beautiful, be thin and super successful adds to mental health problems? X

Pressure to be perfect causes stress but if you have a disease like bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression etc. you could be a supermodel or the richest bitch on earth and still have all of the above.


Isabel Feiras @IFeiras
@Rubywax #AskRuby Why does it often seem that being well is a state of remission from illness?

When your broken leg heals or your flu leaves the building, you know you’re well again. With mental illness when it leaves its’ always lurks in the shadows ready to pounce again so you can never feel totally at ease. Being well always feels a bit temporary to me.



mox56 @mox56
#AskRuby Your thoughts re new studies indicating mindfulness can make it difficult to decide if experiences are real or only imagined.

Mindfulness gives you a way of dealing with the critical thoughts that make you stressed and or depressed. It works like a type of braking system so you don’t get sucked into rumination. It has nothing to do with deciding if experiences are real or imagined.  If you’re thinking those thoughts, please see a doctor.



Kallum Edwards @kallum_edwards
@Rubywax when are you writing another book? #AskRuby

I’ve just finished my new book, coming out in January. I can’t push it enough so I am…..endlessly. It’s called, “Mindfulness Guide For The Frazzled.”  You can pre-order it. (I’m still pushing).



Talking Therapies @TTBerkshire
What's one of the most helpful pieces of advice anyone's ever given you? #AskRuby

I love the expression, “Pain is pain but suffering is optional.”



Fiona Beddow @FionaBeddow
@Rubywax #AskRuby  What do you do to stay mindful/in the moment when you're on a train?

Just for a few minutes, I try to send all my attention to the sounds coming in from all sides and when I notice my mind starts it’s usual worrying, planning, rehashing again, I take the focus back to the sound. If you really tune into it, it’s actually fantastically entertaining, much better than earphones.



Alpa @alparina
@Rubywax any tips on how to stop my mind from drifting to other things? #AskRuby

Your mind is supposed to drift to other things; that’s its job. If it didn’t flit around, you’d be as useful as a lamppost. It’s not about stopping your thoughts but of not getting caught in their demands; watching them rather than reacting to them.



Lee Rowlands @SaladDodgersBBQ
@Rubywax Do autistic brains benefit from mindfulness in the same way? #AskRuby

I only know the effects of mindfulness by the scientific research done on it. I haven’t looked at how it benefits autistic brains but there would be papers out there; compliments of Google.



Dave West @foresthoop
@Rubywax Do you miss the USA? #AskRuby

No. I don’t like irony-free zones.



Julie Hollings @PRcommscoach
Your top tip for maintaining positivity in the face of setbacks?  #askruby

Find a friend who will listen and empathize; you can’t face things alone.



Jodie Leigh @JodieLeigh_ESXM
@Rubywax Thoughts on the link between nutrition & mental health? #AskRuby

Food isn’t my area of expertise – I only eat it.



James Williams @FamilyFeelings
Hi @Rubywax #askruby I start my journey to become a counsellor very soon what is the most effective therapy you have encountered thanks :)

 I studied mindfulness-based cognitive therapy but we all have different fingerprints, what works for one person, makes the next one climb the walls.  Ask yourself, what works for you?

The Mother of all festivals has got to be Burning Man. I went - it did not disappoint - a Fellini film on acid, squared. It's not for the faint hearted because a few times a day you have to eat dirt. I refer to the frequent whiteout dust storms; imagine the Sahara filling up your lungs with a leaf blower. That's the bad news. The good is that every centimetre of space is filled with visions you've never dreamt of. An animal safari is a safari - you know what you're getting. This is a whole new paradigm of reality. I not only refer to the 80,000 people in outfits that make Mad Max look underdressed but the neon art cars and colossal art installations that range from a replica of a street in New Orleans to a 50 foot woman made of woven wire who visibly breathes. The vehicles, in their hundreds and neon at night, are moveable islands of entertainment; a full-sized pirate ship with merry-go-round horses, a cowboy salon on wheels, moving octopi blowing fire, sharks, rhinos, a Japanese tea garden, a bordello, a fire-breathing bathtub, fun houses... Anything you can picture, it's there, lit up like Vegas and spitting fire balls.

I stayed at the Cirque Gitane camp, which sounds pretentious and it was. I'm not complaining, while other people were stuck in small tents, boiling in the day, freezing at night, I lucked out (someone pulled strings). This is a hotel sized circus tent with baroque furnishings, lit chandeliers, Persian carpets and massive statues of famous statesmen dressed as clowns; just like you'd see at your everyday bacchanal. I did find the inhabitants a little upsetting; eight feet tall models either unclad in glitter g-strings lodged somewhere in their g-spots with pink Marie Antoinette wigs or wrapped in leather corsets and snakes. Thank God, I brought my over-sized Sleeping Beauty costume from the Disney shop made of hideous polyester with miles of tulle; if anyone lit a cigarette near me, I would have combusted. I checked it out though, none of the women looked happy so I felt much better. Susan Sarandon brought Timothy Leary's ashes, so there was a bizarre funeral parade where his ashes were scattered around the cathedral as big as a real cathedral but covered in 3d exotic photos, eyes and elephants. Inside was a grotto of shells, confessional booths and peepholes looking into dioramas of weirdnesses. Timothy will be happy there.

​I spent most of my days biking from event to event; there were hundreds of daily selections and I was on a tight schedule. So much to choose from - the fruit, donuts and balls sex exhibition party, naked pub crawls, kundalini cooking classes, the orgasmatron experience, slut Olympics, booty shines, workshops on how to turn your panties into a face mask, male stripping, spanking at Spankies and - my favorite - the strap-a-thon in Beavertown for women and transgender people only. Ok, so you go in a dark tent and first thing we had to do was ask our partners if they were carrying any sexual transmitted diseases and since I was alone, I asked the wall and I told my friends it said, "Yes " Then we had to repeat the rules about always using a wet wipe before and after and what to do with the rubber gloves. We were told to either respond with 'yes' or 'no' when called upon to partake, never use 'maybe' because it was explained if you changed your mind you would upset the other person. I always had female orgy on my bucket list so I can cross that one off it was like Lego with vaginas. I stuck with the wall as my partner but I thought, good for them, gay men have been doing this for years, now it's the girlies' turn

​(I'll continue this blog next week)

Lots and lots of #AskRuby answers for you... thank you all so much for your questions, I love them.  You can ask me anything over on twitter - just add #AskRuby.


Remember, if you want to be the first to hear about my new book and other things, just tell me where to get in touch. 

Liz Meddings @lzmddngs
#askruby do you still think that we shouldn't tell our employers about our mental health issues?
- Tread carefully-employers aren’t allowed to fire you if you have mental illness but sadly tragically employees find themselves axed for no apparent reason. No one would dare fire someone physically disabled but if it’s mental – it it still evokes fear that you might suddenly go berserk on the job like Norman Bates.

Lee Rowlands @SaladDodgersBBQ
@Rubywax Do you think a healthy diet can improve some mental health conditions? #askruby 
- A diet can prevent you getting over-hyped with all that sugar and flavoured crap we’re fed but with a mental illness like bi-polar or schizophrenia, I’d say what you eat isn’t going to make any difference unless you count medication as a food.
 
Chris @Chris_Ware_BGC
@Rubywax hi Ruby will you be involved with the Abfab movie? Thanks for all you do :) x #askruby  
- When Jennifer picks up her plume and writes something, I shall do whatever it is I do. (She’s the genius, I just come in and do some light dusting.)

lowering my BMI @fatbirdslim2015
@Rubywax teenagers - challenging teenagers - how to get them to engage in therapy ? #MentalHealthAwareness #askruby
- Funny you should ask, in my new book coming out in January, I give all that information.  Thanks for giving me an opening to plug it.  A small tip - Tell them if they get help, they’ll get better exam results without ending up crazed to capacity.
 
Helen @HLF_1983
@Rubywax How would you go about approaching a young adult who you feel may have a mental health issue, without offending them? #AskRuby
- Send them an email and if they don’t respond, back off. Don’t tell them to ‘perk up’,if you do they’ll never speak to you again. Also, it would help that you tell them about your problems first whatever they may be.

Emma Shaw @handylibrarian
@Rubywax Do you sometimes find mindfulness exercises had to do, like when having a real bad day. Do you have strategies for this? #askruby
- If the day is REALLY bad, skip the exercises.  The main point of mindfulness is to learn not to give yourself a hard time - so get off your own back.  

Guy Lambert @SohoGuy
@Rubywax when writing your book, did you feel like you were on a journey of self-discovery? Were you a different person by the end? #askruby
- If you’re knee deep in this stuff every day for a few years, your brain changes just like it says on the mindfulness label. I feel like I’ve had a mental make-over, I’m not so needy and I don’t feel so alone anymore even if I am alone.

vog @orlsy_
@Rubywax are you always taking medication? Or do you take your meds when you feel you need them? #askruby
- They aren’t like aspirins that you take at the first sign of madness to make the bad stuff go away.  If you go on and off them when you feel like it, that could seriously screw up your health far more than if you just stayed on them. 
 
Sunny @Betteaconda
@Rubywax what was it like to interview Bette Midler? #askruby
- Once you crack someone’s celebrity shell, you can really see them as they are when they were still human. With Bette she was my dream girl; hilarious, self-deprecating, gutsy and gave me the greatest gift by singing her hit songs down the Harrods escalators and telling me her life story in the fish department.


Jeremy Thorne @JezzaThorne
@Rubywax Will you be writing an article about your silent retreat? It sounded wonderful (if you pardon the pun). :) #askruby
- It’s going to be my blog next week in the Huffington Post, thanks for asking.


starlinguk @starlinguk
@Rubywax How do you deal with traumatic experiences? I had a horrific experience yesterday and I don't know what to do with it. #askruby

- It depends on how you define a trauma.  Having a bad day in Afghanistan or living on benefits? Or having a bad hair day?  If it’s the first or thereabouts get some EMDR (trauma) therapy, if it’s the haircut go back and make them fix it.

@Jollyphonic
@Rubywax Will your new book have info on how to help teens diagnosed with depression/anxiety? #AskRuby
- Yes, yes, yes - I give exercises for how teens to deal with their dark sides and even give them some exist strategies. 

@AshleighPOwen
@Rubywax #askruby how many times do you do mindfulness per day and how long are your sessions? X
- In the morning 20-30 minutes and then later in the day when I’m someplace where I can’t really do anything but sit or stand; as in a taxi, tube, train, queue or while getting a bad haircut, then I’ll meditate. 

 @trevtall
@Rubywax #askruby what do you believe to be the most effective treatment for depression?
- We’re all different –what works for someone, drives the next person up the wall.  For me it’s the m and m’s that’s saving my ass. (medication n’ meditation).  

@GazPMatter
@Rubywax If you were a superhero from planet Depressive what would your special power be (find a positive aspect of depression) #AskRuby?
- To be able to make instant beds for those people who feel they can’t get out of theirs. Also I’d create the perfect medication that works for the whole planet and has no bad side effects. 

@keirshiels
@Rubywax what lesson would you want to teach new doctors about mental health? #AskRuby
- Listen to your patients; don’t brush them off with some generic pills or say something flippant like “It will pass, don’t worry” People need to talk, if you don’t have time, send them to someone who will. 

@rock_disco
@Rubywax #askruby How can I get involved with your campaign to have walk in mental health centres across the country? By the way you rock. J
- I’m going to start my mission to open walk in centres in October and I’ll need help so please get in touch then, I’ll tweet about it. And thank you.
 
 @artbymelgraham
@Rubywax #askruby Ruby how do you put aside the awful feeling of failure when you hit a low after a period of smiles.... #depression
- If I get that familiar tune that plays the ‘failure song’ in my head, I try to remember that it’s just an old recording from when I was young and felt like a flop. Now, I know I have the option to let it play on without me having to sing along.  

@ben_jweb
@Rubywax If somebody has been practicing CBT/mindfulness for a while and has found it v helpful is stopping SSRIs ever an option? #AskRuby
- Research shows that a high percentage of people who practice CBT/mindfulness can eventually cut out the anti-depressants but if you aren’t in that group, don’t think you’re a failure. I don’t want to give medication a bad rap, it’s kept me on all 2’s for years.  It’s nothing to be ashamed about, just remember if you were a diabetic you wouldn’t give yourself a hard time for taking insulin.

@GeorgieMay_1
@Rubywax PLEASE PLEASE can I interview you for my MSC dissertation on mental health and the media? Even if it's just for 2 mins #askruby
- Come to where I’m performing  my tour of “Sane New World” in October/November and I’ll do it after the show.

 @SarahLeanne__
@Rubywax when is the right to (if ever) to come off medication? #askruby
- When your doctor tells you and tells you how to come off it.

@SarahLeanne__
@Rubywax is it really possible to achieve anything you want to when suffering with clinical depression? #askruby
- No, you can’t achieve anything  when you’re suffering why would you even try?  If you’re not going to be nice to you, who is?
@gillassocs
#askruby Was at your final London show last year & asked a question. You were eating with D. Suchet but sent me down £6 for a G&T. Thanks! T
- I remember, it was at the St. James Theatre - thanks for the drink do you want the £6 back? I could send you a cheque.

@ehurrell5
@Rubywax you politely moved me out the way last night so you could run up the stairs at ROH. Curious...what was the bet? #benfolds #askruby
- The bet was could I beat my friends to the top of the Opera House. They were taking the elevator; I was taking the stairs.  This is how I have fun in real life.


@mitchmul
@Rubywax how often do u go back to America? #askruby
- I’m going for ‘Burning Man’ next week.  Something that extreme would be my only reason to go back.  I used to go for late night shopping but now it’s here (hurrah!) so I don’t need to.

@MarcusRaymond1
@Rubywax Petition for mental health education to be introduced to national curriculum. Good idea? RT? petition.parliament.uk/petitions/1045… #askruby
- That’s a great idea. There are programs in schools now that teach kid’s emotional intelligence and how to deal with pressure – this helps them live a better life rather than just getting higher grades in courses they’ll never remember when they grow up.
 
@pacifistfighter
@Rubywax #askruby How do I motivate/end procrastination to finish your brilliant (so far) 'Sane New World'? Start by getting off twitter?
- Shut off your phone and computer and walk away or go somewhere with no wifi and bring along my book.  

@MarkOneinFour
Why as folk w/ #mentalhealth difficulty do you think we talk in imperatives given platform; telling others in same boat what to do? #askruby
- We can’t tell others what to do when we don’t know what the landscape is in their heads or how they see reality.  It’s all guesswork but we can at least show compassion and send up a little flag that says we’re not having the time of our lives either.

@liz_loves_cake
@Rubywax what do you do when you feel powerless when trying to make changes? #askruby
- I don’t think about it, I just keep moving forward until I get depressed then I go under, otherwise I’m like a bulldozer.

@liz_loves_cake
@Rubywax what makes you want to get up in the morning? #askruby
- I have to finish my new book and it’s due in a week. The fear of my publishers yelling at me.

@WEIRDCHRISTMAS
@Rubywax #askruby HOW ON EARTH DO YOU STAY SOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUNG LOOKING RUBY? pic.twitter.com/2qbsSjLQe5
- Botox

@UCLiGEM
Would you stand with us to fight against mental health stigma? @Rubywax #askruby #studentsformentalhealth #iGEM
- That’s what I’m doing.

@shtisandgiggles
@Rubywax my friend killed herself on Wednesday.  How do I get over this? I'm 22 and not ready #askruby

- I don’t have an answer that’s not a cliché like, “Time will heal the pain” or “She might feel it was her only option.”  My feeling is, that it’s horrific for you and those who knew her and I can’t imagine the agony that must be going on in your head and heart.  

@TanithNyx
@Rubywax Do you feel pigeon-holed into the mental illness gig? I mean, has it closed doors being open about it? Big Luv & Kudos :) #AskRuby
- My book and show “Sane New World” aren’t about mental illness, I wrote them for everyone who has a brain and wants to know why it has glitches and what to do about them.  

 @LmoLynne
@Rubywax how can I measure my mindfulness progress ? #askruby
- Each time you practice, you’re strengthening an area in your brain that gives you the ability to dodge some of those mental bullets when you’re caught in the high winds of self-criticism.  If you can do that you’ve made progress.

Here are some answers to some questions. Remember, ask me anything on twitter by sending me a message tagged with ‪#‎AskRuby‬ - I'm @RubyWax over there. Thank you for your questions - I love them.


Dan Davis @dandavishello

@Rubywax What's the most important question you think science should try to answer? #askruby

- What the cause of mental illness and what can we use to help if not cure it?




Donna @dmunitt

#AskRuby Ruby do you believe in the Law of Attraction 

- I think we’re still cavemen/women under our slick 21st century hairdo’s.  Who you’re attracted to is based on our primitive drives laid down for our survival of  the fittest manual on mating choices.  For the women they look ford the strongest most alpha ape in the jungle and for men they seek to find anything that will bend over for a few minutes. That’s the law in my opinion. 




James Cole @JamesCole96

@Rubywax Will you release a DVD of your tour? And how is your new book going? #AskRuby

- Yes, to DVD and new book which I have to hand in this week is like I’m having a baby that’s s half way in and half way out and I’m on the last few contractions. I know it will be in bookstores on Jan 6th so I need to keep pushing.







Saraa Zawyah @SaraaZawyah

@Rubywax What's a top song to relax to? #AskRuby

- “Let It Be” by the Beatles.  Or I relax to those recorded sounds of crickets and rain trickling in the forest but it’s not for everyone. Some may find it drives them insane and they’ll start confessing war crimes they didn’t do.




LouLou @PoiSpinner79

@Rubywax what's been the most valuable advice about womanhood you've been given? X #AskRuby

- My mother told me if I ever saw a male’s genitalia to phone the police immediately so I didn’t really have a good start.  




Dan Davis @dandavishello

@Rubywax When is your new book out - looking forward to it! #askruby 

- Out in the book shops Jan 6th 2016 and hopefully on the same day I’m hopefully going to organize a mental illness march up the Mall to Downing Street. It will be just like those Gay Pride marches but this time we’ll be demanding they spend more money for research and help for those of us on the dark side. 







Tony Amis @mezzaninedoor

@Rubywax #AskRuby Struggling with Anxiety and Depression, how did u connect with Mindfulness,CBT, talking therapy ... when feels no progress

- To deal with those chronic ones you need medication. If you’re really in the claws of a mental illness to me it’s a waste of time and money to try and do therapy. Your mind is sick how can it possibly be able to think clearly about itself? When the shadow resides, proceed to therapy and you’ll be able to suss which one works for you. And by works I don’t mean cure (there’s no magic pill,  I mean which therapy helps the most for living with the self-critical bombardment? 


BujinTao @BujinTao

@Rubywax What's your strangest memories of parties? #Askruby

- I can’t remember I was unconscious but I’ve been told I was a riot.




michelleparry @Ninnyismyname

@Rubywax Went to see you at Cambs - brilliant. What was the music at the end of Sane New World - I want to dance too! #askruby

- Shakera doing Waka Waka.   You have to work on it many years before you can hump those hips like I can.




cathartic @catharticsite

#askruby what mental health charities do you recommend?

- Sane, Mind, Time to Change…. Thank God for them all.